If you consider yourself a perfectionist, you may be driving your co-workers or bosses crazy. And while you may pride yourself on your
obsessiveness about work, others may see you as cold, even ruthless.
Perfectionists often are described as driven, demanding, self-controlled and incredibly organized, qualities typically admired in a work setting. However, you can be ”too perfect,” according to Allan Mallinger, a San Diego-based psychiatrist.
”You can`t be a good worker without a good amount of self-control and perseverance,” Mallinger says. ”It`s when you become rigid in your self-control that it gets to be a problem.”
Mallinger, co-author of ”Too Perfect: When Being in Control Gets Out of Control,” with Jeannette De Wyze (Crown, $18), says that perfectionists often are obsessive people who place a heavy emphasis on self-discipline and tenacity because they are ”on an impossible quest to have
a safe passage through life.”
Obsessive people may be difficult to understand because they appear to be unflappable.
”The people around them may think, `This person doesn`t really care,`
while underneath she has the same vulnerabilities as anybody else,” he says. Mallinger, who bases his theories on observations from more than 10 years of clinical research and private practice, says an obsessive person may try to control others with a ”my-way-or-no-way” approach. This has an estranging effect on supervisors or co-workers, he says.
”Often it takes an obsessive person much longer to do a piece of work than it should because she refuses to allow any room for criticism and must appear infallible. Chances are the obsessive person also finds it hard to delegate and takes on more work than she should because she thinks nobody else can do it as well.”
Another trait of an obsessive personality is the inability to make decisions.
”They postpone decision-making until they get enough facts to guarantee the `right` choice. It`s another way they avoid action and its attendant risk of error.”
There are ways out of the obsessive trap, but first you have to recognize that ”too perfect” describes you.
”I`ve never had a patient walk into my office and say, `I`m too obsessive,”` Mallinger says. ”It depends on feedback from other people.”
Such feedback may come from a boss or trusted coworker who says you are a workaholic, hard-headed, a control fanatic or that you aren`t open to new ideas.
”Once you isolate the obsessive behavior you go after it step by step,” Mallinger says.
If you are being overly picky about the work of your co-workers or employees, Mallinger says you should focus on the positive side of what they have accomplished.
”Do a cost-benefit analysis,” he suggests. ”The cost may be interpersonal clashes or even losing employees, and you may have to give up your need to be always right.”
Obsessive people who worry themselves crazy over things they can`t control are advised to put rubber bands on their wrists and snap them every time they catch themselves worrying and admonish themselves to stop. Mallinger acknowledges the technique sounds simplistic.
”Remember, the whole purpose of this exercise is to help you put things in perspective so that you can enjoy life more,” he says.
For the obsessive worker who has trouble meeting deadlines, Mallinger advises ”focusing on how good it feels to make progress on the task. Refuse to judge whether you are doing a terrific piece of work.”
Mallinger says obsessive people can become more productive and creative by being receptive to change.
Among his other suggestions:
– Separate work from home life. If you must take work home, ”confine it to one room, preferably one that you can close off and leave behind.”
– Realize that every task is not crucial. ”Don`t sit there at your desk, doing one last thing, and yet one more, unless they really are imperative,”
he says.
– Orderliness isn`t always next to godliness.
”Straightening, classifying and otherwise organizing things are favorite activities for many obsessives,” Mallinger says. ”These activities also may impart a symbolic reassurance that one can order life in its greater aspects- that the unexpected catastrophe can be avoided.”
LIFELINES
Metal industry group
The Association of Women in the Metal Industry offers monthly meetings, an exposition, an industry dinner, quarterly newsletter and annual golf outing. Annual membership: $80. For details call Kim Lerch: 708-766-7495.
University women
The American Association of University Women, for four-year college or university graduates, promotes education equity and self-development for women. Chicago branch annual dues: $51, $28 students. 312-262-8662.
Library association
The American Library Association, for library-science workers and anyone interested in libraries, offers programs and a monthly magazine. Annual dues range from $19 (students) to $74 (librarians). 312-944-6780.
Success club
The Chicago Success Club, for people who want to improve their chances for personal and professional success, offers networking activities and seminars. Initiation fee $150; annual dues $35. 312-868-6150.
Worker`s bookshelf
”The Career Makers” by John Sibbald (HarperBusiness, $25); ”New Traditions in Business” edited by John Renesch (Sterling & Stone, $24.75).
