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So you`ve found the perfect diet, you say. All you have to do is cut down to 1,000 calories a day and you`ll lose two pounds a week. Easy. Guaranteed. Suuuuuure, says Neal Spruce, former champion bodybuilder and now director of diet and nutrition for Gold`s Gyms. Spruce, who leads seminars on the subject, has harsh words for most all popular diet plans that promise to make the pounds melt away. ”Diets don`t work,” he said flatly. ”There`s a 95 percent failure rate.”

The reason, according to Spruce, is that most diet plans are shortsighted. They work in the near term by interrupting the body`s natural balance between intake of calories and expenditure of energy. Eventually, though, time and chemistry catch up-and the pounds stop melting away.

The only sensible way to lose weight and keep it off, he said, is the same advice we`ve been hearing the last few years from the American Dietary Association: Reduce the fat and increase the exercise.

”The typical adult American diet is 37 to 40 percent fat,” Spruce said. ”We need to cut that down below 30 percent.”

The best exercise regimen to accompany a diet is one that includes both aerobics (to burn fat) and resistance training (to build muscle tissue), according to Spruce. ”The aerobics could be as minimal as a brisk walk every day or a few minutes on a stationary bike. As long as you`re burning enough fat that every four weeks you can see a change in your body.”

Since most advertised diet plans deal only with reducing calories, they can set up ”a horrible cycle,” Spruce said. ”You lower your intake of food and the body sees that as starvation. It starts burning fat in the muscle tissue. You feel weak and tired and you don`t move as much, so you burn fewer calories. Then you start craving fats and sweets. It`ll drive you nuts.”

Spruce is not a registered dietitian, but he used to teach health and nutrition in California schools. He`s based at the original Gold`s Gym in Venice, Calif., where Arnold Schwarzenegger got his start. Between workout sessions with actors, rock stars and the L.A. Raiders, Spruce travels worldwide, doing about 250 seminars a year at Gold`s Gyms.

”I pick out a small woman in the audience who weighs about 120 or 125,” he said. ”I ask her, `OK, say you cut down to 1,000 calories a day. You`ll lose two pounds a week. That`s 104 pounds a year. So at the end of a year, are you gonna weigh . . . about 20 pounds?` ”

That guarantees him a laugh, Spruce said, but it also drives home the point that diets are doomed to failure in the long run.

Anyone who hopes to lose weight by dieting alone should keep that in mind, Spruce said. Whenever food intake is reduced, he explained, ”the body figures out a way to operate on fewer calories.” And that can play havoc with metabolism. Eventually, even low-calorie foods will add weight.

”The interesting thing is that anorexics actually have 30 to 65 percent body fat because their bodies have had to adapt to running on a severely reduced caloric intake,” he said. ”I`ve spent months with some of the top models in the country, implementing food back into their diets because their bodies had become so efficient at burning calories.”

Another reason that many standard diet plans fail, according to Spruce, is that they don`t take into account each person`s genetic makeup. ”We all have what`s called a `set point.` We hit a certain weight and our body loves to stay there.”

Anyone who`s dieting eventually reaches a plateau, Spruce acknowledged.

”At that point, it`s not a good idea to reduce the number of calories, so the change usually requires more work.” In other words, when you`ve reached your lowest possible set point, only increased exercise will contribute to further, stable weight loss.

Spruce himself now eats a healthy 3,500 calories-after 15 years of a 6,500-calories-a-day regimen while he competed as a professional bodybuilder. He weighed 225 pounds when he competed, but has reduced that to 215.

His diet consists of mostly low-fat proteins and carbohydrates. At 4 a.m., he has a protein shake before working out. Breakfast at 7:30 a.m. is four whole eggs and an English muffin. ”My cholesterol has never been over 120. It`s genetic.”

At 11 a.m., he has half a can of tuna mixed with non-fat salad dressing and two slices of whole-grain bread, plus a piece of fruit. The same mini-meal is at 2 p.m. and 5 p.m. Dinner, around 9 p.m., is grilled chicken with rice and steamed vegetables. ”And sometimes, frozen yogurt for dessert.”

Every six weeks or so, Spruce breaks his spartan regimen with a dinner out. ”My wife and I go out and fine-dine,” he said, grinning. ”Food that has nothing to do with health. Cocktails, wine with dinner, appetizers, dessert. The works. The bill is usually about $350.”