Dear Ann Landers: My heart is going to break if I don`t tell someone how I feel. The person who needs to be told is my husband, and I`ve tried, but it doesn`t help. Maybe he`ll read this in your column and understand.
Last December, I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. So far, I`ve been able to handle my anxiety and despair. However, I recently attended a seminar sponsored by the local chapter of the National Multiple Sclerosis Society and after seeing the unfortunate condition of so many of the people there, I became overwhelmed and broke down. All I could think of was getting home so my husband could comfort me until I was able to pull myself together.
When I arrived home, I asked him to hold me and I wept in his arms. The whole time I was talking, he had one eye on the TV. Apparently, I had come home with my emotional neediness and interrupted a show he was watching.
As his TV program continued, and I kept talking quietly, he would glance at me and then back at the screen. I could tell he wished I would be quiet so he could give his full attention to the show. He might just as well have slapped me in the face.
Having MS is hard enough. Must I also accept that I`ll be dealing with it alone?
C.H., Burlington, N.C.
Dear C.H.: Spouses who don`t understand the nature of an illness often react inappropriately out of fear and ignorance. Your husband needs to be educated, and I hope you will enlist the help of your doctor to do just that. Keep attending the meetings of the local MS society. This affiliation can be enormously helpful in the days ahead. And good luck to you, dear. When you learn more about MS, you will find reason to be optimistic and less afraid.
No need to invite ex-husband to wedding
Dear Ann Landers: My daughter, ”Lisa,” always dreamed of a big, beautiful wedding. This would be possible except for one factor-her father.
”Lisa” does not want him to give her away or even attend the wedding.
My ex-husband and I have been divorced for 12 years, and it was a horrifying experience. ”John” became hostile and punitive, refusing to support his children emotionally or financially. Now he wants to take credit for their success and get in on all the good stuff.
We are still tolerating him and his despicable behavior because of our love for his dear mother. She is 83, in good health and very much involved in my children`s lives.
I should tell you that John was in a terrible fight over drugs 12 years ago and his face was sliced up. He didn`t have plastic surgery to correct the scars and now has a frightening appearance.
My daughter is having nightmares about her father`s presence at the wedding. Please, Ann, tell us what to do about this awful dilemma.
West Palm Beach, Fla.
Dear W.P. Beach: Since your ex-husband has given your children neither emotional nor financial support for the last 12 years, plus the fact that Lisa doesn`t want to have anything to do with him, I see no reason to invite him to the wedding.
If your 83-year-old mother-in-law is as wonderful as you say, she will understand and respect her granddaughter`s wishes.
Gem of the Day: Children are getting more sophisticated. Two kids were overheard playing and one said, ”Let`s play doctor. You operate and I`ll sue.” l
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Do you have questions about sex, but no one to talk to? Ann Landers`
booklet ”Sex and the Teen-Ager” is frank and to the point. Send a self-addressed, long, business-size envelope and a check or money order for $3.65 to: Teens, c/o Ann Landers, P.O. Box 11562, Chicago, Ill. 60611-0562.
