For Karen Eagan of Lake Zurich, an evening of grocery shopping provides a brief period of calm that she otherwise has a hard time finding.
Rolling a cart down the store aisles in blissful solitude, she selects her purchases, which nearly always include several packages of diapers. The diapers are necessary because Eagan and her husband, Patrick, are parents of four children, a 3-year-old son and a set of triplets who just turned 2.
“Monday nights are my nights of sanity. That’s when I do my grocery shopping,” Eagan said with a laugh. “I did take the triplets with me once, but they were throwing things out of the cart as fast as I could put the things in.”
While any parent will tell you that raising children is difficult, the parents of two, three or even more multiples say that the stresses and joys of parenthood are magnified by the number of same-age children that one has.
It appears that more parents than ever before are feeling such stress and such joy.
The Illinois Department of Vital Records reports a steady increase in the number of multiple births in recent years. For example, the number of multiple deliveries in Illinois in 1989 (the most recent year for which statistics are available) was 4,865, a 7 percent increase over the previous year when multiple deliveries numbered 4,558. The increase in “singleton” births over the same time period was only 3 percent.
Also, the ratio of multiple births in Illinois per 1,000 live births in 1989 was 25.6. That figure was 20.3 in 1980. The vital records department does not distinguish whether the multiple births were twins, triplets or other multiples.
The rise in multiple births is also being recorded nationally. According to the National Center for Health Statistics, the ratio of multiple births per 1,000 live births in 1989 was 23.0, the highest ratio reported in 30 years.
The increase in multiple births is attributed, in part, to the use of fertility drugs, which are known by such brand names as Clomid, Metrodin and Pergonal. Reproductive technologies, such as in vitro fertilization, are also cited as a cause.
At the Center for Fertility and Reproductive Medicine in Park Ridge, which focuses on treating infertility, patients are warned of the risks of such drugs and technologies, including the greater chance of multiple births.
“With use of the most benign of these drugs, Clomid, we more than double the rate of twinning,” said Dr. Charles Miller, a partner in the center.
Miller is also director of reproductive endocrinology and infertility at Lutheran General Hospital in Park Ridge. According to Miller, the rate of triplet pregnancies is about 20 percent with the use of Pergonal. That figure, which he said is based on a national average, “really follows close suit to our practice,” he said.
The stress of a multiple pregnancy, especially for couples who have faced long-standing infertility, may begin even before a pregnancy has occurred.
“These people desperately want to have children. Often, they’ve been through a multitude of therapies that have not been successful, they may have limited financial means, and often they are in their late 30s or early 40s, so age is a concern,” Miller said.
Couples who become pregnant with multiples and want to increase their chance of having a healthy infant may be faced with the decision of whether to abort one or more of the embryos. Infants in a multiple pregnancy have a higher risk of obstetric morbidity and prematurity that could lead to developmental problems, said Dr. Haim Elrad, chief of obstetrics at Lutheran General. “But making such a decision is very difficult and emotional. It’s a very stressful situation,” Elrad said.
Mothers of multiples often face higher levels of discomfort during pregnancy. Severe morning sickness, hospitalization and medication to combat premature labor are common, as is a doctor’s strict order of bedrest for several months before delivery.
Before giving birth to her triplets-Emily, Timothy and Kathryn-Eagan was on bedrest for three months. “Basically, I could get up to go to the bathroom or shower,” she recalled. “It was hard because it seemed like everyone else was going on with their lives.” Fortunately, a neighbor who had been taking care of Eagan’s oldest son, Kevin, part time, agreed to babysit for him full time during that period.
Typically in a multiple pregnancy, one of the infants may be smaller or less well-developed than the others. Despite their happiness at becoming parents, a couple may be distressed over an infant who is ill, or even dies.
“Sometimes they have to separate the babies (either in different parts of the hospital or by taking one home),” explained Elrad. “Parents can feel a lot of guilt or even a little bit of grieving. Anytime you don’t have a perfect outcome (of a pregnancy) there is some grieving.”
The emotional ups and downs don’t end once the parents bring their children home. That’s when organizations such as the Double Dydee Mothers of Twins Club, the Double Dilemma Mothers of Twins Club, and the Triplet Connection are helpful. The groups provide education and emotional support to mothers of multiples.
The National Organization of Mothers of Twins Clubs is based in Albuquerque, N.M. It claims 417 member clubs and 17,000 individual members nationwide. The national Triplet Connection is based in Stockton, Calif.
Susan Clifford of Mt. Prospect is a member of the Double Dydee club, which serves the Mt. Prospect and Palatine areas. Clifford recalls feeling overwhelmed when she learned that she and her husband, Timothy, were expecting their first-born children, twin daughters. Brittany and Mackenzie are now 2.
“I was totally unprepared for motherhood. If I had had one child before I had two I might have been better prepared,” she said.
Clifford joined the club when her children were a month old. “Even from the first meeting (the other mothers) helped me and gave me encouragement,” recalled Clifford. “They gave me tips on nursing twins and on traveling with them.”
The clubs often sponsor speakers who discuss topics specifically related to multiples, such as how to help twins to develop as individuals, as well as general parenting issues, such as potty training or planning birthday parties.
Sam Gentili and her husband, Gene, of Cary are the parents of six children, including two sets of twins. The children are Mary and Laura, 12, who are identical twins, Christine, 10, fraternal twins Michael and Susanne, 8, and 7-year-old Stephen.
Gentili is a past president of the Double Dilemma club, which has about 70 members in the Cary and Crystal Lake area. She did not join the club until her youngest child was born.
“I had just moved here from out-of-state. I was feeling, for the first time in my life, a tremendous amount of prejudice,” Gentili said. “People were saying things to me like, `You’re pregnant? Why are you having all of these kids?’ I thought if I joined the club I would find other people who understand the joy of children.”
Gentili found just that as well as many new friends. “Not to be conceited,” she added, “but I felt that, as the mother of six children, I could be a role model. I could show others that `You can cope, too.’ “
That’s a message that many parents of multiples, such as Karen Eagan, appreciate hearing. Eagan, a member of the Double Dydee club, said, “When I go to a meeting, even when I’ve had a bad day, I don’t feel guilty complaining about it.”
As her children have grown into the toddling stage, she even says jokingly, “Now I’d give anything to be put on bedrest. It would be like a vacation,” she said, then added on a more serious note, “We’re very grateful for these children. They’re healthy and beautiful. We wouldn’t do a thing differently.”
