Dear Ann Landers: I would like to respond to “Blue in Ohio,” the mother who was concerned about her 17-year-old sexually active daughter.
Your response was disappointing. You said parents can do only so much and once innocence is lost, there is no bringing it back. It sounded as if you were just giving up.
I urge you to give this problem more thought. It is not a lost cause. I offer the following examples:
A concentrated effort to educate people about the dangers of smoking has had positive results. The surgeon general’s warning in every ad and on cigarette packs has made an impact. Smoking is no longer considered cool.
Increased knowledge of nutrition has resulted in healthier eating habits. People are reading labels to find out how much fat and how many calories they are consuming.
There are a number of sociological, psychological, medical, ethical and legal reasons to abstain from sex before marriage and to practice monogamy afterward. We need to explain these reasons to our kids. Over and over. Don’t underestimate their intelligence. They will listen.
We owe it to our children to educate them about sexual responsibility. Fifth grade is not too soon. (In some cases, it may be too late.) If, as a nation, we would attack sexual irresponsibility with the same diligence that we battle tobacco abuse, the future would be a great deal brighter. Please don’t give up.
Rick in Provo, Utah
Dear Provo: Me, give up? Never!
I would caution you, however, against equating the sexual urges in teenagers with the desire to smoke. There is no compelling biological urge to smoke. Sexual urges, however, are inborn, glandular and hormonal, and teenagers must learn responsible ways of dealing with them. The more they know, the better their chances of staying out of trouble. And, yes, I approve of sex education in schools. If some kids don’t get it there, they just don’t get it. Period.
Contractor rises for the defense
Dear Ann Landers: That horror story from North Jersey about building a new home really got to me.
I’ve been a contractor for 30 years and have never had a dissatisfied customer. All my homes carry a 10-year warranty. I do not doubt that there are crooks in the business. You will find them in every profession. But the public perception is that home builders have more than their share.
Many people who build their own homes do not check a contractor’s reputation to find out if his customers were satisfied with his work. Too often, people look for the best price, and after the job is started, they want to make expensive changes but don’t want the cost to go up.
I wish people would stop blaming the contractors. Too often it’s the bargain hunters who are responsible for shoddy work. They want a lot of things done after the deal is made, but they don’t want to pay for it.
Westerly, R.I
Dear West: I received several letters complaining about contractors, but yours came up with a pretty solid defense. Thank you on behalf of all contractors, who will applaud what you have written.
Gem of the Day: Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
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Feeling pressured to have sex? How well-informed are you? Write for Ann Landers’ booklet “Sex and the Teen-ager.” Send a self-addressed, long, business-size envelope and a check or money order for $3.65 (this includes postage and handling) to: Teens, c/o Ann Landers, P.O. Box 11562, Chicago, Ill. 60611-0562.
