On Aug. 6, as they’ve done every year like clockwork for the last 11 years, the four generations of the Lane family will load up their mini-vans for the annual family pilgrimage to Decatur, Ind., to reunite and reconnect. The hugs, hellos and guess-what-we’ve-been-up-to-this-year stories immediately transform this weekend-long event into one of joy and magical memories.
“It’s just so exciting to have everyone together,” says Bonnie Mitzner of Palatine, who has attended the annual reunion for 11 years. The Lanes are the family of her mother-in-law, Janet Mitzner.
Bonnie and her husband, Dave, will bring along their children-Megan, 8, Michael, 6, and Melissa, 4. Dave’s brother Gary and wife Mary and 10-month-old son, Jackson, also will make the trip from Palatine.
“It brings the family a lot closer together,” Bonnie says. “If we didn’t do this, we probably wouldn’t even know the relatives that well. And the kids absolutely love it, because they get to know all their cousins.”
That’s why each year the family members, who are scattered across the U.S. from Palatine to Peoria to Montana, juggle their schedules to make the trek back to the Lane family hometown in Indiana.
They are not alone. These days, a growing number of families like the Mitzner/Lanes are reconnecting by organizing reunions-as many as 200,000 a year, according to Edith Wagner, editor of Reunions magazine, a Milwaukee-based quarterly that has grown from just a handful of readers when it was founded five years ago to 6,500 today.
“We’re seeing a phenomenal growth in people planning family reunions,” Wagner says. “It’s becoming an American phenomenon.”
According to Wagner, families are staging reunions to reconnect, to help their children learn about their history, to help establish ties with their relatives and to create some new family memories.
Intensifying this need to reconnect and underscoring this trend is the fact that families today are increasingly scattered all across the country, Wagner adds.
“The reunion, whether it is once every year or once every five years, is the one big event that brings them all back together,” Wagner says. “Families are starting to realize that they’re only being drawn together at funerals, and they’re starting to look at ways to reunite during happy times.”
Family members attending the Lane reunion will include great-grandpa and great-grandma Robert and Bertha Lane; their grown children-Robert, Janet, and Judy; their 10 grandchildren; and 12 great-grandchildren.
The weekend starts on Friday night as the four generations-38 people-gather in the home of one of the aunts, enjoying food, telling stories and later in the evening playing the TV game “Win-Lose-or-Draw.” The next day, there’s a family golf tournament-kids included. Then it’s time for the serious business: the big reunion feast.
“Everybody brings something, and it’s a really fun time to get together and catch up on each other’s lives,” Bonnie Mitzner says. “We wouldn’t miss it.”
The fact that the family reunion has the potential for “being the most positive social activity there is for the family” also has pushed these events into the forefront, according to Tom Ninkovich of San Francisco, co-author of “Family Reunion Handbook” (Reunion Research, $14.95).
“Reunions give families a history,” Ninkovich says. “They provide a means of harkening back to times gone by, when aunts and uncles and grandparents were part of the fabric of everyday life, dispensing lore and psychology as required. This kind of contact is still needed, but the extended family is gone in today’s society. The nuclear family is less common, and a child is lucky to have two parents these days. The family reunion is a way of recapturing some of the warmth and nurturing of older times.”
For the 100-plus members of the Tully family who are scattered in towns throughout the north and northwest suburbs, including Glenview, Mt. Prospect, Morton Grove, Niles, Northbrook and Palatine, and in Chicago, the annual family reunion picnic in August provides a historical anchor. It brings together four generations, including matriarch Delia Tully, 93; her eight children (whose last names today include Mullen, Sherwood, Conlon and Duffy) and their families, down to 10-month-old Kathleen LaFond of Mt. Prospect.
“I’m very sentimental, so for me it is really exciting to see my kids get to know all my cousins and all their younger cousins and to put faces on the names of all the older relatives I’ll be telling them stories from the `old days,’ ” says Susan O’Donnell of Palatine, mother of five-Bridget, Meaghan, Brian, Kelly and Jimmy-and granddaughter of Delia Tully. “My grandfather (Delia’s husband, Mike) was the second oldest of 13 kids, and because my kids never really knew him, I’m able to point out his brother, Pat, and say, `That’s what your great-grandfather looked like.’ It gives them a better idea of their identity.”
This August, the Tully family will gather for the 20th annual reunion at St. Paul Woods in Morton Grove. The bash promises to be bigger and better than ever; about 150 Tullys usually attend. As always, the emphasis will be on the kids, and the event will be replete with games, including an elaborately staged water-dunking booth, egg-catching contests and tug-of-war.
Capturing the memories in an all-in-the-family photo is another important priority.
“It takes a lot of doing to get everyone in that picture, but every year a big deal is to look at last year’s photo and see how the families have changed or grown,” O’Donnell says. “My kids really have a great time.”
Though family reunions were traditionally held in back yards, forest preserves or neighborhood parks, the fact that families today are spread out across the country has made distinctive destinations-luxury resorts, cruises, historical sites and even dude ranches-the backdrop for the mega-events, says “Family Reunion Handbook” author Ninkovich.
“The demographics, finding a fun place that is centrally located for family members coming from throughout the country, is a big concern in today’s reunions,” Ninkovich says. “And because they’re held at these vacation spots, they’re becoming longer-one to three days-and more elaborate.”
Just ask Kimberly Lacey of Rolling Meadows, who this year earned the job of planning her 200-member family’s 14th annual reunion.
Every year since 1980, Lacey family members have met at a hotel somewhere between Chicago and Memphis, spending the weekend together dining, swimming, sightseeing and just relaxing.
In August, the Laceys will gather at the Arlington Park Hilton Conference Center in Arlington Heights for a weekend-long event organized by Lacey, a 29-year-old sales representative for Unimed Pharmaceuticals Inc. in Buffalo Grove.
“It’s really great because we know we’ll always have this time of year to catch up on each other’s lives,” Lacey says. “It gives us a sense of importance about our family. It helps us to know our roots and to really get to know those people who are our blood relatives. Plus it’s really fun, a weekend-long giant party.”
According to local hotel managers, weekend-long family gatherings are on the rise.
“We’re really seeing an increase in bookings for family reunions,” says Kevin O’Donnell, sales manager for the Arlington Park Hilton Conference Center, which is handling several reunions this summer, ranging from 25 to 200 people. “It seems families are figuring if they’re going to take the time to get together, they may as well spend a little more time together and make it a weekend event.” As with any large group, those attending family reunions usually can figure on lower room rates.
An increasing number of family reunions also are being planned to coincide with anniversaries, weddings, birthdays or other special family events, experts say.
Schaumburg events planner Veronica Birckhead recently found herself planning a family reunion that was the offshoot of family members getting together for a funeral two months before.
“They decided after the death that there was also a need to celebrate family,” Birckhead says. “So we planned an elaborate brunch for 70 people. Even though it initially was sadness that brought them together, it did help them reconnect. Now they want to keep the tradition going every year.”
TIMETABLE FOR PLANNING A FAMILY GET-TOGETHER
Whether you’re planning a family picnic at the local forest preserve or an all-out weekend bash at an exotic locale, here are some tips for putting on a successful reunion from Edith Wagner, founder and publisher of Reunions magazine, and Tom Ninkovich, coauthor of “Family Reunion Handbook.”
18 to 24 months before:
– Decide on the type and frequency of the reunion. Will it be once a year in Grandma’s back yard or every five years at a dude ranch in Arizona?
– Plan the reunion based on shared family interests. For instance, if your family is interested in exploring family roots, how about holding the reunion at the old homestead?
– Select the date.
– Start a mailing list.
– Form a reunion organizing committee.
1 year before:
– Send a mailer with date, tentative reunion schedule and approximate cost.
– Hire entertainer, caterer, photographer, printer.
5 to 9 months before:
– Send second mailer with registration form and cost.
– Reserve block of hotel rooms.
– Choose menu.
2 to 4 months before:
– Select decorations, theme, signs and banners, and order printed items.
– Reserve rental equipment.
– Designate assignments for volunteers.
2 weeks before:
– Confirm meeting, sleeping and eating accommodations.
The day before:
– Check last-minute details.
Reunion day:
– Set up registration tables, rental equipment and displays, decorate and enjoy.
Afterwards:
– Reflect and evaluate. Note what worked and what didn’t. Complete bookkeeping; settle accounts; write thank you notes to volunteers, hotel and caterers. Start planning next reunion.
MEMENTOS ARE IMPORTANT
T-shirts.
No reunion would be complete without them, say those in the know.
From the embroidered jersey Polo to the more graphically wild tops with maps pinpointing cities where families live, T-shirts are definitely the most popular items, reunion planning experts agree.
“The whole idea is for all the family members to return home with splendid family memories,” says Tom Ninkovich, co-author of “Family Reunion Handbook.”
“The T-shirt is a banner proclaiming their pride in their family that they can wear anywhere and everywhere.”
Baseball caps with the family name, belt buckles, pins and tote bags also are hot reunion mementos, according to Reunions magazine publisher Edith Wagner.
“Everyone wants something they can take home with them,” Wagner says. “It’s like kids when they go to birthday parties.”
For those opting for the non-commercial approach, family crests, coats-of-arms, old recipes and penned family stories can further draw the family together and are great to have on hand at reunions, Ninkovich adds.
Compiling family recipe books or a book of old family songs can bring folks together around the campfire, he adds. They also make great take-home souvenirs.
Other big hits: family trivia games and crossword puzzles.
