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Reports of U.S. Sen. Phil Gramm being a bland speaker are greatly exaggerated. Heck, INC. attended Sunday’s GOP brunch at the Drury Lane in Oakbrook Terrace, and we totaled two, maybe even three, laughs in a 20-minute speech by Gramm. The biggest might have been unintentional, unless the Texas senator is more up to speed than we thought on local controversy. This one came when Gramm said President Clinton wanted to tear apart the national health plan and rebuild it in the image of the post office. Well, maybe you had to be there.

P.S.: If Sen. Gramm didn’t leave ’em exactly rolling in the aisles, maybe it’s because there were no laughs left following speakers such as Judy Baar Topinka, James “Pate” Philip, and the Ryan Boys-George and Jim. The Texas senator said after his speech that he’s making DuPage County a “high priority” in his presidential bid. The only notable Illinois officeholder to jump on his campaign is Topinka, but we hear you can expect George Ryan to do so in the near future. Jim Ryan told us he’s holding back for a while, though Gramm did stump for the attorney general last fall.

In a knot: With the defeat of the balanced-budget amendment by a vote last week, Sen. Paul Simon suffered what he called his most crushing defeat in the U.S. Senate. Still, there were smiles and bow ties all around to greet Simon on Sunday evening at a Chicago Commons dinner in the Park Hyatt Chicago. The ties were handed out at the door by Commons officials. Bill Kurtis emceed. The stop was one of several made by Simon here over the weekend with Sen. Carol Moseley-Braun, who also put on a bow tie.

Front-row seat: One Chicago hotel general manager replaces another on the board of the Civic Preservation Foundation, the group that oversees the Chicago Theatre-The Palmer House Hilton’s Ted Ratcliff gets the seat vacated in January by John Bruns of the Stouffer Renaissance Hotel.

Stay tuned: A hassle between Louisville Symphony Orchestra management and the musicians, which has drawn national attention, is moving to Chicago this week, where the CSO association’s Henry Fogel is going to be enlisted to help with compromises. You may recall our symphony went down to the wire last year before getting an agreement. What you may not know is this: Fogel, according to insiders, sat out some of the CSO sessions to “make things go smoother.”

Now batting 1: INC. figures here’s one way to look at replacement players for the Cubs. When Harry Caray mispronounces their names, no one will know the difference.

Now batting 2: If the White Sox shift to WMVP-AM, and we hear it’s very close, maybe WBBM-Ch. 2 sportscaster Tim Weigel should get a broker’s fee. The station’s Larry Wert and Rob Gallas of the White Sox, who’ve been in discussions, resumed them-informally-as two of the many guests at Weigel’s 50th birthday bash over the weekend.

INC.lings: Second

City alums Jim Belushi, Tim Kazurinsky and Dave Pasquesi joined 8-year vet Ruth Rudnick on stage for the improv set following her last performance a few days ago with The Second City. . . . Comic Relief founder Bob Zmuda returns to his hometown next Sunday to oversee the organization’s celebrity server dinner-fundraiser-including Ramsey Lewis, Chris Zorich, etc.-in The Palm Restaurant. . . . Monday birthdays: Ed McMahon, 72; Rob Reiner, 50; Hedwig Schinkel, 100; Kiki Dee, 48; Ben Murphy, 53; Joanna Miles, 55. . . . “American Journal” tackles the story of William Heirens, Illinois’ longest-serving inmate since he was convicted of murder in 1947, on Monday. New evidence was made public last week, and Heirens has a hearing next month.

Helping hand: Lots of people have said an unofficial prayer for Congress. Rachel Mikva, an associate rabbi at Temple Hakasah on the North Shore, gets to do it in an official capacity. Rep. John Porter has invited Mikva, daughter of Abner Mikva, special counsel to President Clinton, to deliver Wednesday morning’s prayer for the U.S. House.