As we say “aloha” to 1996 and “aloha” to 1997, we hereby pause to recognize some of the year’s cultural feats that we’ll be happy to leave beached in the past. Welcome to the first-ever Alewife Awards:
We’re yahoos
Jay Leno spent a week and David Letterman spent a night in town regaling their late-night show local audiences with references to deep-dish pizza! Dennis Rodman! The band Chicago! And the audiences went “Wooooooooo!”
We’re yahoos, Part II
The city–or at least its television stations–got all goosebumpy when the former Princess of Wales came to town in June. WBBM-Ch. 2 anchor Linda MacLennan was the leading cheerleader, breathlessly informing viewers that because only a smallish crowd was awaiting Lady Di’s arrival at Northwestern University (for shame!), they could still rush out to “catch a glimpse” of her. Then MacLennan trailed the former royal from NU to the Drake Hotel and back to NU the next day. Imagine! In our city!
Bulloney
Ch. 2 sending its “Chopper 2” to fly above the Bulls team bus as it headed to Milwaukee where they would win their 70th game (yo, they’re passing Great America!). … WMAQ-Ch. 5 turning its Sunday late-night sportscast into the Dennis Rodman variety show, with Jon Kelley and Tom Zenner vying for the crown of biggest suck-up. … Ch. 2 airing 75 live minutes of “Dennis Rodman’s Bulls Blowout” party at Excalibur, at which sportscaster Tim Weigel gushed to the cross-dressing Bulls rebounder, “It’s a treat for me to be sitting next to you.”
The best combination since Sylvester Stallone and comedy
The Democrats and the macarena.
Who, moi?
Paul Theroux and Gordon Lish both published novels whose protagonists were named Paul Theroux and Gordon Lish (in the grand tradition of Philip Roth and Richard Powers), then went on promotion tours to deny their books were autobiographical.
And when their fans grow up …
Mexican teenybopper pop group Mestizzo landed a huge promotional contract with Miller Brewing Company to promote the Miller Tongoneo, a macarena rip-off.
Chainsaws? Passe!
Two movies released within two weeks early this year, “Fargo” and “Rumble in the Bronx,” featured characters being stuffed into wood chippers.
Architectural clip-on tie award
The fight over whether to preserve or demolish Michigan Avenue’s historic McGraw Hill building led to a real eye-to-the-future “compromise” suggestion: Save the facade and raze the rest to build a Nordstrom department store. Imagine the possibilities! The Water Tower Pumping Station takes up valuable real estate–why not just keep the front and attach a giant Wal-Mart to the back? Or maybe they could keep the pillars of Soldier Field and construct a domed stadium inside. Wait, someone already suggested that.
Same as it ever was.
If Rip Van Winkle’s 20-year snooze had come between 1976 and 1996, he wouldn’t have noticed much difference on the summer concert circuit: The ’70s lineups of Kiss, the Sex Pistols, Styx, Cheap Trick, REO Speedwagon, Kansas and Steely Dan all hit town, and Journey came out with a reunion album. Whither Bachman-Turner Overdrive?
Rats–The Musical
Chicago producer John DuBiel opened the dreadful show “The Pack Is Back” at his Jazz Buffet club last March. Not long after, the show closed and the club went out of business. DuBiel’s response? He opened an expanded, big-budget version of “The Pack Is Back” in an Old Town theater, where three unctuous performers still are attempting to impersonate Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin and Sammy Davis Jr. Next stop, Carnegie Hall.
Heroin addiction as a career move
A year plagued by rock heroin deaths (Smashing Pumpkins keyboardist Jonathan Melvoin, Sublime’s Bradley Nowell) ended on a “high” note. The Stone Temple Pilots whisked frontman Scott Weiland from drug rehab into a grueling six-week arena tour to strike while that commercial iron was hot. Meanwhile, actor Robert Downey Jr. parlayed his loutish heroin-inspired behavior (like breaking into a neighbor’s house and collapsing on a little girl’s bed) into a jolly guest-hosting shot on “Saturday Night Live.”
A Jewel of a theater
A consortium of cultural groups and governmental agencies spent about $19 million to create the North Shore Center for the Performing Arts in Skokie, sticking it behind a supermarket loading dock. From the lobby, you can see the store’s Dumpsters, as well as a neon-lit strip mall across the street–just the right touch for an evening at the theater.
Lap it up
“Showgirls” wasn’t embarrassing enough? Then bring on more movie strippers! They featured prominently in “Striptease” “Independence Day,” “Tin Cup,” “The People Vs. Larry Flynt” and “Kingpin”–with an Amish Randy Quaid in a G-string.
Two left feat
Robert Perkins, producer at the Royal George Theatre, danced the hit “Forever Tango” out the door this fall to make room for the drama “Mrs. Klein,” which promptly closed, leaving the theater with no show for the holidays.
Enough already!
All that’s missing is a really steep upper deck
With its tables and chairs for 100 crammed into a tiny space, the new Second City Skybox Studio Theatre is making a bid for most uncomfortable theater in town.
At least the frogs are aimed for adults
Budweiser kept an eye out for future customers by getting product placement in “Flipper” (Paul Hogan drinks it, and a kid wears a Bud T-shirt).
Maybe those pre-movie Coke ads aren’t so bad
To target dog owners who don’t clean up after their pets, a London movie theater began running an ad showing a middle-aged, pajama-clad man squatting down and fouling the pavement. “You wouldn’t. Don’t let your dog” is the message–as the man’s neighbor slips on the mess.
Baby, won’t you please light my fire
In a Steppenwolf Theatre preview performance of the drama “Supple in Combat,” actress Martha Lavey was supposed to torch a suit of clothes that had been hung up by her stage husband, John Mahoney. First, she tried a cigarette lighter that didn’t work. Then she resorted to the lighted tip of the cigar she was smoking–no go. Undaunted, Mahoney burst onto the stage in horror over the “blaze” anyway.
Not OK
As “Nightline” staffers came forward to pick up their prize for coverage of the bombing of the federal building in Oklahoma City at the annual News and Documentary Emmy Awards in September, the live band broke into a rendition of “Oklahoma!”
Match the critical acclamation with the movie
A. “What a picture!! It’s wild!!” Ron Brewington, American Urban Radio Networks
B. “The best film you’ll see.” Bonnie Churchill, National News Syndicate
C. “The must-see movie of the year!” Bonnie Churchill, National News Syndicate
D. “It doesn’t get any better than this!” Bonnie Churchill, National News Syndicate
E. “A masterpiece!” Sam Hallenbeck, FOX-TV, Tampa
F. “The book froze your eyeballs with terror. So will the movie. Trust me on this one. Larry King, USA Today
G.”A masterpiece!” The sleeper of the year!” A brilliantly amazing, magical movie.Jules Peimer, WKDM-AM
H. “One of the summer’s best.Joel Siegel, WABC-TV/New York
I. “The first great movie of 1996.Jim Svejda, KNN Radio
J. “They don’t get much better than this!” Jeanne Wolf, “Jeanne Wolf’s Hollywood”
1. “The Adventures of Pinocchio”
2. “Bogus”
3. “Celtic Pride”
4. “Father of the Bride, Part II”
5. “Jack”
6. “The Juror”
7. “Last Dance”
8. “Phenomenon”
9. “Striptease”
10. “Up Close & Personal”
Answers:
E. 1
G. 2
A. 3
D. 4
B. 5
F. 6
J. 7
C. 8
H. 9
I. 10
