Scott Sherman’s eyes dart carefully around the room; he’s looking for dates, but he doesn’t want to come across like he’s looking. You know what they say: If you try too hard, it turns them off. Soon he spots a nice-looking brown-haired woman, pops a Tic-Tac, hones in and spends the next hour in friendly conversation.
“Well,” says Sherman, who lives in Palatine and works in management and distribution, “one for one.” Did he get her phone number? He tries to act like it’s no big deal, but you can hear the enthusiasm in his voice: “Yeah!”
The only unusual thing about this scene — which plays out nightly at every Chicago-area bar, nightclub and singles party — is the setting. Sherman and the brown-haired woman had met on benches inside a tiny train, just around the corner from plastic tubs of soap full of hangers for blowing big bubbles. All around them, little kids yelled and ran amok.
In fairness, the “Singles Mingle” program at the Kohl Children’s Museum in Wilmette isn’t nearly as, well, meat-markety as most of the bars around town. Many of the single parents who attend aren’t there to find dates — they just want to watch their kids have a good time on a Saturday evening and maybe talk to like-minded adults.
“It’s not like a dating service,” says museum spokesperson Ashley Williams. “It’s more for single parents to meet and talk to other single parents. It also shows kids they’re not different because they have single parents.”
But it’s rare to find a social event where you can bring your kids, single parents say, and why waste the opportunity? “From a divorced man’s perspective, it’s easier to find a woman if you focus on the children instead of each other,” says Sherman, a divorced father who successfully arranged two dates after past “Singles Mingle” nights. “You’re going to meet a higher-quality person if you meet in here than, like, at a bar.”
It’s true. For two hours on a recent Saturday, parents awkwardly made conversation while chasing their kids through Kohl’s two floors of projects and exhibits. Some parents talked while loading fake fruit into play grocery store bins. Others went upstairs to look at colorful paintings by Marc Chagall, while the children punched sound buttons to hear accompanying music.
The Kohl museum, like the Chicago Children’s Museum at Navy Pier, has an uncanny knack for knowing what kids like to do. First-floor “tele-kid” phones allow conversations between two museum rooms. A tall conveyor belt rolls bean bags up into the sky, then down into various toy trucks. A shiny red Honda convertible is perfect both for kids to play “auto race” and for parents to luxuriate in the passenger seat. Savvy parents know to save the “water room” until evening’s end.
The singles night “serves both purposes,” says a Northbrook woman, who organizes conferences for a living. “You have all the attractions for kids and it’s a nice way to meet people.
“It’s hard to meet people as a single parent,” says the woman, a divorced mother of a 3-year-old girl. “You’re rushing home after work to spend a couple of hours and you’re always making up time. This is an unassuming way to do it.”
Some parents, like Sherman, were bold on a recent Saturday night, confidently approaching women and making small talk. (Women outnumbered men by about 10 to 1.) For others, the whole “meet prospective dates” idea makes them uncomfortable — the year-old program’s name, “Singles Mingle,” carries a distinct pressure.
That’s especially true for Alyssa Blankenbuehler, a Skokie mother whose husband died six months ago. “I’m still pretty freaked out,” she says, chasing her 5-year-old son, Tyler, through the museum. “Weekends are harder to fill up, emotionally. Weekdays are more routine, but I don’t have as much planned for the weekend.”
After an hour at the museum, Blankenbuehler sits among a half-dozen other parents, watching Tyler act out impromptu plays on a small corner stage. She’s smiling.
“Singles Mingle” nights at the Kohl Children’s Museum, 165 Green Bay Road, Wilmette, run from 6 to 8 p.m. Saturdays. Tickets are $10 per member family, $15 for non-member families. 847-256-6056.
Here are some other Chicagoland events, groups and programs for single parents (be sure to check local churches or synagogues, too):
– Parents Without Partners, various chapters in Chicago, Villa Park, LaGrange, Lake County and elsewhere. Many scheduled events, including Villa Park meetings 8:30 p.m. (dancing 9 p.m.-midnight), first and third Fridays of every month, at the VFW, 39 E. St. Charles Rd.; 630-932-1615. Call 312-644-6610 for nearest chapter.
– Young Single Parents, Des Plaines. Organizes events for suburban single parents. 847-296-5510.
– Willow Creek Church, 67 E. Algonquin Rd., South Barrington. Has programs geared for single parents. 847-765-5000.
– “Single Again,” two-month course for divorced, separated or recently widowed singles, offered at William Rainey Harper College, Palatine. June 9-July 28, 6:30-8:30 p.m. 847-925-6000.
– Single Parent Network, Oak Park. Founded in 1992 by a single mother responding to feelings of isolation and loneliness. Laid-back group geared towards meeting other single parents, with pot-luck dinners, zoo and museum trips, camping expeditions and many other activities. Meetings first Sunday of every month, 4-6 p.m. at Pilgrim Church in Oak Park; voluntary fee, $15 per year, includes newsletter. Call 708-383-1916 or mail SASE to Pilgrim Church, 460 Lake St., Oak Park, Ill. 60302.
