“Stack ’em, pack ’em and rack ’em,” said the man President Clinton may be anxiously thinking about over the holiday weekend.
Sen. Fred Thompson (R-Tenn.), the lawyer-turned-actor-turned politician, was musing about his Hollywood days, including the role of airport manager in “Die Hard 2.”
I naively wondered if he recalled his big line in the airport tower. He did, rather promptly.
Starting Tuesday, he’ll play to a large national audience again–just how big may be politically crucial–as chairman of the Senate hearings into campaign finance shenanigans during last year’s presidential election.
It’s the big summer entertainment for official Washington, though the story is a muddle even for media and pols.
But a flood of coverage will come Thompson’s way (as soon as I exited his office, “Nightline” was on the phone). And it will be pro forma to note how Thompson was attorney for the then-minority Republicans on the Senate Watergate Committee 25 years ago.
Of course, if he is held up to that standard of illegality-driven results he is sunk. This ain’t Watergate.
Still, everything here tends to get compared to Watergate, especially by what Thompson discerns as an adamantly “results-oriented” media, “which covers these things as a cross between an athletic event and a soap opera. We require constant titillation.”
He also knows that the public tends to think most politicians are bums and sleazy when it comes to raising money. And, while not tipping his hand about revelations the hearings may bring, he is irked by the notion that “everybody does it.”
The allegations involving the past Clinton campaign, he says, are different.
“They (politicians) don’t all money-launder or make themselves susceptible to influences that shouldn’t be there. Some of the allegations here are unprecedented,” he says.
His battle plan will be to split the hearings into two rough subject areas. First, there’s Clinton fundraising and how it affected the way government operated. Then there’s political fundraising in general; an inspection of legal, so-called “soft money” contributions and “special expenditures” exploited by both parties.
For sure, Clinton’s fundraising was rapacious, with the president personally involved in, at minimum, adroitly circumventing federal election laws. Since the election, Clinton and the Democrats have been shamed into returning millions of dollars in illegal donations, much of it from apparent foreign sources.
A lot of what plays out over the next month or so may be difficult for some to comprehend. The conventional media wisdom is that nothing “big” will be revealed and Clinton is safe.
But at least one skeptic wonders if that’s misguided. One may hear tales so tawdry that Clinton will be damaged.
At minimum, the patriotic news consumer will know the Democrats are in trouble if:
– Thompson boldly gavels the proceedings to order and declares, “Stack em, pack ’em and rack ’em,” then promises that Clinton will wind up in the “Crossbar Motel” (prison) within six months.
– Thompson’s first witness is Manuel Noriega.
– John Huang, an elusive former Democratic fundraiser who is key to the mess, surfaces with an audiotape of Clinton promising him “a weekend with Paula Corbin Jones” in return for $1 million cash.
– The hearing’s Thursday night ratings equal those for “Seinfeld.”
– After just one day of testimony, the leading Democrat, Sen. John Glenn of Ohio, announces he is leaving on a special NASA mercy mission to save the Mir space station.
– After two days of damaging testimony, the White House announces it has found clear evidence of life on Mars.
– After three days of damaging testimony, Clinton goes on “Larry King Live” and announces he is sending Vice President Al Gore to Mars.
– After four days, Clinton invites Thompson to the White House and asks whether he would like to be ambassador to France.
Of course, this cuts both ways. You can rest assured that Thompson and GOP chums are in hot water if:
– The Democrats manage to seat in the first row the trio of John Dean, Charles Colson and G. Gordon Liddy.
– An accidentally open microphone catches Republican Sens. Robert Bennett of Utah, Thad Cochran of Mississippi and Bob Smith of New Hampshire discussing their golf tee times at Congressional Country Club.
– After three days, C-Span cuts away for last week’s “Prime Minister’s Question Time” in the British House of Commons.
– CNN opts for “Style With Elsa Klensch.”
– Thompson’s staff is seen sneaking away to watch “All My Children.”
– With a grant of full immunity, restaurant owner Charlie Trie, a key figure now in China and ducking subpoenas, dramatically surfaces to muddy Clinton but encounters a scene right out of “Godfather II.” Like Michael Corleone, Clinton walks in with Trie’s long-lost, menacing older brother who apes turncoat Frank “Frankie Five Angels” Pentangeli in the movie by turning white and denying he did anything wrong.
Now, maybe, just maybe, none of this comes to pass. Of course, Thompson would love it if the world watched with reasonably modest expectations.
“At the end of the day, if we can provide some depth and context to what is already known, assess responsibility where we can and come away and make recommendations to make the whole thing better, we will have served our purpose,” he says.
But will a nation be attentive? All the networks will be there for the first day or two. His challenge is to keep them longer, though he didn’t hesitate when I asked him why people should watch at all.
“Because this has to do with their government,” he said. “Every once in a while we have to pull back the curtain on what goes on here in Washington; in terms of how our government operates, in terms of how those in power conduct themselves, how we run our political campaigns.”
“This will be a relatively brief, concentrated focus on that. For those who are interested in their government, and their future, and the kind of country their kids will grow up in, this is something they should pay attention to.”
UFOs 12, tax cuts 3
Every interest group under the sun books rooms at the National Press Club for press conferences. Such groups crave media attention, especially from TV. The results can be revealing.
For example, last week a serious and thoughtful group, the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities, unveiled a comprehensive analysis of the tax-cut plans passed in the Senate and House, as well as Clinton’s.
That drew three TV cameras.
By comparison, two guys with something called the Fund for UFO Research surfaced to counter Pentagon claims that those wacky tales about Roswell, N.M., are just that, wacky.
Twelve cameras.
And as the tax guys explained their distribution tables, across the hall one found the “Purina Dog Chow Search for the Great American Dog.” The winner of a $10,000 essay contest was a Los Angeles woman with an Old English sheep dog named Bob.
Bob was there, as were nine cameras.
I caught the tail end and heard smiling emcee Amy Van Dyken, the four-time Olympic swimming champion, read the winning entry, which began:
“My dog and I are best friends every day because we bring out the best in each other.”
Another smiling woman came up to me. “Do you have everything you need?”
I smiled and said yes, everything.
