Dear Miss Manners – A friend who knows I am an early riser phoned me to chat at 6:40 a.m. I must admit to being less than receptive to social conversation at this hour.
I always thought social calls were properly made between 8 a.m. and 10 p.m. Care to comment?
Gentle Reader – Not at this hour. Of course, you don’t know which hour this is. And Miss Manners is afraid that although your friend knows you are an early riser, the fact that you are not an early converser is something you don’t seem to have mentioned.
The standard polite hours for social telephoning are 9 a.m. to 9 p.m., but not during working hours, which are roughly between 9 and 5:30, or between 12 to 2 because it might be lunch time, and not from 5:30 to 9 because it might be time for preparing or eating dinner.
Perhaps you begin to see why it is a good idea to let your friends know when you like to chat–and for the friends to inquire, when they call, whether it is a good time on that particular day.
Dear Miss Manners – I have always remembered my sister-in-law’s little ones on their birthdays. But now that I have several children of my own and I’m juggling a job, a husband, a house and all their activities, I am swamped.
Coming home one day, I discovered a message on my answering machine from my sister-in-law who wanted to let me know that I had “missed” her son’s birthday by a couple of days and that he was upset and looking for his gift from us. I was ashamed and rushed to mail a card and check.
Months later I was tardy with her daughter’s birthday gift and there was another message. I felt outrage at her gall, but rushed out and bought an elaborate gift.
Her nagging calls have made me lose all the joy in exchanging gifts with these dear children.
Gentle Reader – Miss Manners wonders two things:
Why isn’t your your sister-in-law trying to bring up her children instead of trying to bring you up? The way to deal with their understandable disappointment would be to coax them out of the natural idea that presents are owed to them and into the polite one that presents should always be considered a pleasant surprise.
2. Why is her training working, prompting you to increase the presents?
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Send your questions to Miss Manners, in care of the Chicago Tribune, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611.
