There’s one at every homeowners association meeting. It might be the resident who tipped a few too many cocktails at dinner or the one whose life has no meaning without detailing every real or imagined infraction of the board, property manager and all other homeowners since the place was built. You know who they are–the ones who always find the cloud around the silver lining.
Let’s call them “the difficult people.” They aren’t very pleasant to be around but they never fail to show up.
Difficult people don’t have to disrupt your meetings. You can’t prevent them from attending but you can do much to diffuse their hostilities:
– Give the difficult person an opportunity to speak. Many boards schedule an open forum before or after meetings to give owners a chance to voice their concerns or complaints.
Hear the difficult person out, says Barry Katz, president of Omnibus Real Estate Inc., in Northbrook, and faculty member for the Institute of Real Estate Management in Chicago.
“The problem they are having may not be a major problem from an objective, professional perspective but it’s real to them,” he says. “You have to treat it with concern.”
Don’t play favorites, adds Katz. It’s OK to limit owners to two or three minutes but don’t permit one to talk for 10 minutes and then cut the difficult person off at two.
If the difficult person attempts to hog the floor, you can request no one speak a second time until all unit owners have had the chance to speak once.
“Be very careful that you don’t let it appear that someone is not as important as someone else,” advises Katz.
– Keep your cool. When someone starts yelling or making accusations, the temptation is to answer in kind. Don’t do it, says Andy Klein, manager of the master’s in human resource management program at Keller Graduate School of Management in Oakbrook Terrace.
“Your worst option is to react emotionally to their anger,” he says. “That tends to escalate it. People in service industries often have to deal with people who are experiencing emotional stress. One of the biggest keys to getting them to calm down is to get them to recognize you are focused on solving their problem.”
The way to do that is by telling the difficult person something to the effect of “I understand you are very angry. I understand you are upset your light fixture is broken. I think we can solve this problem.”
– Consider whether the difficult person has a point. One reason difficult people are so annoying is they often challenge the status quo. Sometimes the status quo needs to be challenged. Think carefully before giving the difficult person an automatic “no.”
Some boards get rule-happy, says Katz. They pass more rules than are needed. Rules that are backed by logic and good sense are easier to uphold than those that aren’t.
“Your argument wanes when the board says, `We passed a rule and a rule is a rule,’ ” says Katz.
If your difficult person is challenging a rule or procedure, appoint a committee of board members and residents to study it. Perhaps the board didn’t look at all the angles when they passed it. If it did and the committee agrees, you’ve got stronger backing when you ultimately tell the difficult person “no.”
– Present a united front. Sometimes a board must take a harder line to keep its meetings from being disturbed. Decide in advance how to respond to difficult people, particularly the regulars, says Klein.
When the difficult person “meets a unified board that says, `We’re not going to let you dump your bitterness on us, your behavior is inappropriate and we’re all in agreement on this,’ that person will back down,” he says. “If the rest of the board members sit there and look uncomfortable, (the difficult person) will prevail.”
– Use humor with caution. It can backfire on you, as it once did with Katz. In a cooperative he managed, a water leak damaged the unit of one of the shareholders. Katz made arrangements to have the repairs done but informed her that replacement of the wallpaper was her own responsibility, not the association’s. Displeased, the woman railed on and on. Finally Katz asked, “Would you expect the association to pay if you had mink wallpaper?”
His remark made the woman even more upset. She complained to the board about what she perceived as his sarcastic, insensitive attitude. He later apologized to her.
“Under normal circumstances someone would chuckle and say, `I know what you mean,’ ” says Katz. “The point was, you can’t expect the building to pay for expensive wallpaper. But she was unhappy and my comment was inappropriate given the circumstances.”
– Change the time of your meetings. You don’t have to meet at 7:30 or 8 p.m. after a long day at work. Try meeting over breakfast, during the late afternoon or on Saturday mornings when everyone is fresher.
“I’d love to see more meetings start at 4 p.m. and be over by dinnertime,” says Katz. “By the time 9 p.m. rolls around, most people have been working 12 hours. They’re tired. They’re not thinking as sharp. You don’t want to get into a dispute with someone who is tired and aggravated.”
