Falling in love was the easy part for Paul Cochran and John Kibler.
But ever since, the Oak Park couple have been trying to figure out ways to express that love and commitment to each other.
For most couples, expressing devotion is simple: You just get married. But for gay couples, like Cochran and Kibler, that wasn’t an option. So they have kept an eye open for other paths.
First they held a formal wedding ceremony last month, during which 200 friends and relatives looked on as they took their vows at Unity Temple in Oak Park. Although the marriage still isn’t recognized by state government, the ceremony was the next best thing.
And now comes the Village of Oak Park’s domestic partner registry, passed Tuesday after a heated debate and over the opposition of the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Chicago. The west suburban town joins more than a dozen other municipalities with similar ordinances– including Minneapolis; Ann Arbor, Mich.; Atlanta; Cambridge, Mass.; and Berkeley, Calif.–although various places have had different experiences with the law.
By becoming the state’s first locality to approve an ordinance setting up a marriage registry for same-sex couples, Oak Park took a monumental step for dozens of couples, gay men and lesbians said.
To outsiders, the registry might seem trivial. There are no medical benefits attached, nor any requirement that public agencies treat the two as partners in marriage.
But Kibler and Cochran said they still plan to be the first in line at the Village Hall in mid-October, when officials start taking names for the registry. They hope organizations such as hospitals and school districts will be more likely to recognize their relationship; the registry, for example, might allow a partner access to an emergency room or a parent-teacher conference.
In other cities, domestic partnership agreements have been a first step.
San Francisco passed a domestic partnership ordinance in 1991. Since then, 4,051 couples have registered–and other, more powerful laws have followed.
A new San Francisco law that took effect in June requires all of the 12,000 contractors doing business with the city to offer same-sex couples the same benefits as married heterosexuals.
Cynthia Goldstein, the city’s contract compliance coordinator, said that before the registry, some partners were denied bereavement leaves and other medical benefits because they had no way to prove to an employer they were in a committed relationship.
“It’s a very important concept when we’re living at a time where same-sex couples can’t get married,” she said of the domestic partnership agreements.
But not all cities that passed the ordinances saw such strong interest from the gay community. Since its 1990 passage, 289 couples have registered in Madison.
“It was a symbolic gesture more than anything else,” said City Comptroller Gale Dushack. “It hasn’t led to any other legislation.”
For now, however, Kibler and Cochran are ecstatic about what has happened in Oak Park.
Cochran’s own mother still isn’t completely accepting of his gay relationship and refused to attend his recent wedding ceremony.
After experiencing that type of resistance from one of his biggest fans, getting the acceptance of an entire Village Board felt like a major feat.
“We have had to deal with so much disapproval of our life and our relationship, and it’s just so refreshing not to face that,” Cochran said.
“When straight people get married, they get all the support in the world.”
Kibler said the powerful feeling of affirmation he got at his wedding made him realize you can’t underestimate symbolism.
“Ten days ago, I didn’t think symbols were so important, but now I do,” he said.
“Things change very slowly, and this is a step.”
