The latest statistics are shocking: One out of two marriages ends in marriage! How did that happen? Have we been so busy focusing on the 50 percent of marriages that fail that we forgot the 50 percent that succeed?
Jaime:`My friend for 34 years and husband for 27 and I thought we should send this in from the backwoods of suburbia. We’re just a couple of DINKs (double income, no kids) but we’re married and we love it. We can have animated discussions about TV, whether they’re about war or stupid commercials. If we’re sick, we have someone to take care of business and us. We have a companion to surf the Net. We don’t have to pretend to be sensitive when we can be truthful. We don’t have to share the bathroom because we coordinate our time. We can be messy because we both clean up. We can be compulsive about organizing and saving things because we appreciate being able to find stuff when we need it. We have someone around to analyze us and encourage us to be better. We can say stupid jokes are stupid. We don’t have to explain ourselves because we’re understood and trusted. I don’t have to wear makeup to bed. And just because you’re married doesn’t mean you can’t eat out of the fridge.”
Carol: “Ronnie and I dated for four years before we married. The early years brought many challenges. We were told that the chances of having a child were slim. In spite of the odds, we were blessed with a daughter. Ronnie has supported me though difficult times at work and always helped at home. When his job was eliminated several years ago, I kept up his morale until he was reinserted. I can honestly say we have never had a fight in 20 years, though we have disagreed on things. We usually back off a bit, then sit down and talk things through.
“Ronnie hopes to retire next year. We have hopes and dreams of things to do together and look forward to the time we can do them. Ronnie treats me like a cherished friend and makes me feel beautiful. During the years when I was grossly overweight, he never once criticized me. He has supported me during the eight months that I have been working on losing over 50 pounds. He even went on a diet and lost 25 pounds himself. He writes me notes telling me how special I am and I do the same for him. I’m so grateful to have found Ronnie. We both work at this marriage, nourish it and cherish it. It’s what makes each day worth waking up.”
Joe: “Stella is the most wonderful and faithful wife. For the past 10 years, she nursed me and suffered right with me and did more for me than any of the doctors she took me to see. It’s no secret I have Parkinson’s and at times I can’t even walk. She has been my arms and legs. She bathed me and shaved me and cut my hair. She fed me when my hands were shaking. Some days I felt a little better and I was so happy not to have to call her every time I wanted to stand up and move around a little. I feel bad about waking her up from a deep sleep at least twice a night to get me out of bed so I can go to the toilet. I fell in the snow at least four different times. I just couldn’t get myself up and she was there to help me. I am proud of the wonderful family that we have and know that she kept it together with her loving ways. I thank her for everything.”
(This is adapted from a letter Joe wrote to his wife, Stella. They were married nearly 49 years before he died.)
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Has for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer been tested in your marriage? Send your tale to Cheryl Lavin, Tales from the Front, Chicago Tribune, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611. Please include day and evening phone numbers. Letters may be used in whole or in part for any purpose and become the property of the column.
