The one player Bears could draft who would already understand the system–the criminal justice system, that is.
THE WEEK THAT WAS
A quick look in the rearview mirror at the past seven days in sports:
Winners of the week:
– The Cubs. Continue to make effort to improve by trading for Phillies second baseman Mickey Morandini. Best of all, Harry Caray gets plenty of time to begin practicing assorted mispronunciations.
– Phil Jackson. Zenmaster reaches 500 victories faster than any NBA coach in history. Jerry Krause is unimpressed and predicts Tim Floyd will win twice as many in half the time.
– Dmitri Nabokov. Hawks rookie scores two goals in first NHL game, instantly equaling career output of most Hawks No. 1 draft picks.
– Dennis Rodman. Playing like an All-Star and acting like a grown-up.
– Barry Sanders. Lions halfback becomes only third player in NFL history to rush for 2,000 yards in a season. Sanders’ mark must carry asterisk in record book, however, because Lions play Bears twice every year.
Losers of the week:
– Curtis Enis. Penn State tailback gets suspended for allegedly accepting suit of clothes from agent. NCAA would possibly have overlooked it, but suit was lined with $1,000 bills.
– Patrick Ewing. Knicks center undergoes season-ending surgery on broken wrist. Begins long recovery program step by step by step… Hey, that’s traveling!
– Shaquille O’Neal. Lakers center fractures wrist while hitting a punching bag. Punching bag is called for personal foul. O’Neal misses both free throws.
– Isiah Thomas. Debut as NBC basketball analyst is so excruciatingly bad it actually makes us long for Bill Walton.
– Bill Tobin. Gets dumped as director of football operations after Colts finish with worst record in NFL. Mike McCaskey immediately offers him a five-year contract extension.
TALKING TRASH
The week’s most disposable quote belongs to Bears coach Dave Wannstedt, who made this observation after his team was beaten 31-15 by Tampa Bay last Sunday:
“I wouldn’t say Tampa Bay is better than us. Are they more talented? I don’t think so.”
Would you say this is why Mark Hatley has taken over Wannstedt’s job as talent evaluator? I think so.
