I feel compelled to respond to Merle Suba’s Dec. 22 letter that commented on the well-written articles “What to do about Dad” (Page 1, Dec. 14-15).
Just because one has a family with many offspring does not necessarily mean that nursing home placement can be avoided. Often the amount of care that might be needed exceeds what family members can provide at home. In many cases home care is not in the best interest of the patient.
As for Ms. Suba’s judgment on why “Dad’s” spouse has to live alone, perhaps this is exactly what she wants to do. With the traumatic change in their separate living arrangements, the most comforting thing the wife can do is to maintain the constants in her life, such as her daily routines and remaining independent in her own home.
My story is almost identical to that of the family profiled. My father suffers from an advanced case of Parkinson’s disease and dementia. I am one of four very devoted children who have been available to my parents through all the difficult years of my father’s declining heath. My mother, who has been a most dedicated and selfless wife, cared for my father up until last year, when finding appropriate nursing home care became inevitable. To continue caring for my father at home became detrimental to both parents.
The decision to place a relative in a nursing facility is one that is usually fought off until it becomes a last resort. It is done with much agonizing, but usually with the utmost concern for all involved. It is not a case of shirking responsibility for one’s aged parents but more likely doing the most responsible thing for them. It also does not mean the adult children are “putting their parent away” and forgetting them.
I am also a licensed social worker who has worked with many families who have had to make this difficult decision. I have the utmost respect for families faced with coming to this conclusion for one of their own. I suggest that Ms. Suba reserve her hasty judgment of others and hope that she and her family may be fortunate enough not to have to face the dilemma that “Dad’s” family confronted.
