Dear Miss Manners: Over a period of 14 months, I gave a friend five sums of money — four were in the $100 to $400 range, and the last one was a loan of $5,000. This is because friend told me he has an incurable illness.
I was thanked for all five, but because of the amount of the last one, I thought I should have received a thank-you card also.
Gentle Reader: No one values letters of thanks more than Miss Manners, but don’t you think you should get more than that? Perhaps a promissory note? Even if you do not expect your money back during this person’s lifetime, it would be prudent to have proof of what you are owed when the estate is settled.
And yes, you should be getting letters of thanks, for small sums as well as large.
It is your money, and Miss Manners does not presume to give you financial counseling. But she must alert you to a connection between different types of responsibility. People who believe that they need not offer thanks because the generous need only the satisfaction of having given are also inclined to believe that those generous people need not be repaid either.
Dear Miss Manners: You appear to excuse rude and obnoxious behavior because a person doesn’t happen to be a “morning person.”
When we grew up, we were sent back to bed until we could act like a human. It is not acceptable to go around unwashed, to have body odor or to be uncivil. In my opinion, it is inexcusable to let yourself go until you’ve had your coffee.
Gentle Reader: Miss Manners must not be awake. She thought you said she excused rudeness. Either you or she must be having a nightmare.
Miss Manners never excuses rudeness, at any hour or under any circumstances. What she excuses these people from until they have had their coffee is sociability.
Everybody who is ambulatory is required to say, “Good morning,” to pass the sugar when asked and to reply to comments and questions addressed to them. That is only civil. Being excused from sociability means that they may reply only by making “Ummm” and “Uh” noises with the mouth closed, and need not offer conversational encouragement.
Dear Miss Manners: My husband and I live in a middle-class neighborhood, have no children and take a great pride in our yard, specifically our beautiful flower garden and grass.
We have neighbors with teenage boys who play basketball all the time, breaking our flowers and knocking down our shrubs. It’s awful. The worst of it all is that the parents instigate the situation, join in and call us foul names and continually harass us.
I called the sheriff one night when one teenage boy was playing basketball with a friend and ran over my newly planted blue spruce tree. The teenager called me nasty names and when the father came home, he told us not to touch his grass.
Is there no discipline for children any more?
Gentle Reader: No, but there is not much among neighbors either. Your neighbors, who are adults, are calling you names, and you are calling in the law to deal with a careless game of basketball.
Miss Manners’ advice to all of you is to calm down and build a fence.
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Feeling incorrect? Address your etiquette questions (in black or blue-black ink on white writing paper) to Miss Manners, in care of the Chicago Tribune, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill., 60611.
