Relationships go through stages. 1: The Sally Field Stage (You like me! You really like me!) 2: The Jackpot Stage (You are the most adorable, funniest, smartest, most insightful, most perfect person ever born!) 3: The Mellow Stage (Isn’t it nice just sitting home doing nothing, eating mac and cheese?) 4: The Ho-Hum Stage (Yes, you have told me that joke before.) 5. The Kiss-Off (Didn’t I tell you I was moving out of town?) Okay, that’s just a tiny bit cynical, but most relationships don’t make it to the finish line. So, here are some of the ways you say bye-bye. . . .
Ally: “I took him to my overnight formal my junior year of college. We’d been dating a couple of months. I thought we were having a decent time. He wasn’t the most attentive guy ever, but I didn’t know the difference at that point. We went back to my hotel room. I was 21 years old and prepared to lose my virginity that night. I had even ordered special lingerie from Victoria’s Secret. While we were making out on the bed, I told him I was crazy about him. He didn’t answer, which started a whole conversation that ended up with him saying he didn’t want a girlfriend and dumping me. Then he got sick from all the punch we had been drinking and started throwing up. I took care of him all night long, putting cold rags on his head and getting him ginger ale. Then in the morning, we had to go to the buffet breakfast with all my sorority sisters. I was fighting back tears. He acted like everything was fine except he stopped opening doors for me. That seemed to be his line in the sand, something only a boyfriend had to do. We drove home in the back of a 1975 Chevy Impala. It must have been 100 degrees in there and the windows didn’t open. I never talked to him again. I would see him on campus, but he wouldn’t look at me.”
John: “Maggie and I were best friends and lovers. Then things started to cool. I should have taken the hint before Christmas but I love the holidays. I bought her several nice gifts and made her a wonderful Christmas dinner. I got nada. Nothing. Not even a card. I backed off for three weeks, but when she called, I couldn’t resist going back with her. Yesterday was my birthday. Again nothing. Not even a card. I called her to say goodbye but she insisted on inviting me out to lunch. Then the weather was bad and she didn’t show up. So I called to ask why. She said she couldn’t control how she felt and how she felt was that she liked Dick, not me. I decided it was time to stop hitting my head against the wall. It felt so good to stop.”
Marcia: “Our relationship had gotten a little dicey and we didn’t seem to be seeing each other as much as we once did, but we were still a couple. Then one morning I was out to breakfast with some friends when he walked in with a woman. He brought her over to our table and introduced her as `my girlfriend.’ My friends said my mouth dropped open. I don’t remember because I went numb.”
Kevin: “I knew we weren’t exclusive and that she dated other guys, but when my sister told me she was invited to her bridal shower, I was totally shocked. It made me realize for about the zillionth time that common decency is not common.”
Candice: “I have been dating off and on for four decades, before and between and after two marriages. I wish I had some great breakup stories for you. But I don’t because of the dozens of guys I’ve dated, not one has had the decency to actually break up with me. They just stop calling.”
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Send your relationship tales and questions to Cheryl Lavin, Tales from the Front, Chicago Tribune, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611 or e-mail clavin@tribune.com. Your partner is perfect except for that one little thing. What is it?
