Dee Hartman has been there, done that. Boy, has she ever.
Now, at 65, she travels the country letting other women in on five secrets of life, simple guideposts she picked up along the way.
She holds out her left hand, spreads her fingers wide and counts them, 1-2-3-4-5.
“Live, learn, listen, love and laugh,” she told 700 women at Purdue’s Home and Family Conference last week. “That’s my handful of living skills. That’s your handout. Take it home.”
Hartman, of Muncie, Ind., has been a licensed auctioneer, a school bus driver, a waitress, a secretary, an encyclopedia saleswoman, speech coach, high school teacher, cheerleader adviser, author, college teacher and lecturer for Weight Watchers.
At 17, she married a man who turned out to be a criminal and an alcoholic. At 39, she enrolled in college and earned her degree, with highest honors, within 23 months. She has been divorced, widowed, a single mother and a breast cancer survivor.
Now, when not tutoring inmates at the state prison in Pendleton, Ind., or serving as a court-appointed special advocate for abused children, she gives motivational speeches that mix humor with philosophy. She has spoken in 29 states.
“I feel lucky every day,” Hartman said. “Every day is a miracle, but we tend to forget that.”
“She’s extraordinary, so bubbly and a little ornery,” said Peg Evans, one of the conference members. “It’s a wonderful message that she delivers. Too often, we just don’t take the time to stop, listen, and smell the roses.”
The Indiana Extension Homemakers Association conference, sponsored by Consumer and Family Sciences extension, features dozens of workshops and talks.
In her keynote address, Hartman outlined this five-point program for happiness:
1. Live.
“Live every day as if you will die tomorrow, and one day you’ll be right,” she said. “We tend to think we have all the time in the world to screw up, be angry, fuss, be impatient and be self-absorbed. We feel that we can always make it up later.
“But time is so precious. Yesterday is a memory; tomorrow is a promise, and today is a present, a gift. Make the most of each day.”
Every time the second hand of the clock makes a full circle, she said, “is one minute of your life that is over. You’ll never get it back. When are you going to be happy?”
2. Learn.
Hartman is hooked on the Internet, which, she said, puts her “in touch with the 21st Century.”
“It’s where it is, the most incredible thing I have ever seen in my life. People say, `But there’s pornography on the Web.’ Well, there’s pornography in the drugstore too.”
The Internet, she said, has opened new worlds of discovery and exploration. Through e-mail, she is in contact with people all over the globe.
“I’m 65 now. I do not want to go gently into that good night,” she said. “Learn each day; if you do, you will live forever. Everybody can teach you something, and knows something I don’t know.”
3. Listen.
Listen to other people. They matter; their voices must be heard.
“There are people who will dump on you, who will tell you the same story 40 times,” Hartman said. “There is a point where you have to ask whether any good is being done by this. They need to get off of it and on with life. Do you sit and wallow (in self-pity) or get out and do something?”
4. Love.
“Love people the way they are and don’t try to change them,” she said. “That’s such a waste of time, it’s like trying to make a pig try to sing. It’s a waste of time, and it annoys the pig.”
5. Laugh.
“Laugh or the world will get you,” Hartman said. “There are times when you want to scream or swear, and you have to decide.
“We have to laugh. The world won’t get you then. You have to laugh first.”
She hasn’t had an easy life. There have been many tears, many heartaches, many struggles. But it’s been a great ride. Still is.
“I feel that I am one of the most blessed people on Earth,” she said. “To me, every day is a miracle.”
