After 10 years, hundreds of competitions and thousands of dollars in lessons, Megan Irving hung up her figure skates.
She was 12.
“Last summer I was skating five hours a day, five days a week. It takes up your whole life. I really wanted to try something else. I just really kind of got sick of it,” says the Grosse Pointe Woods, Mich., teen, who starts 8th grade this month. “My parents supported my quitting, but they also felt bad because I’d spent so much time and money on it. I knew I wasn’t going to the Olympics, but I was pretty good.”
As fall sports gear up, thousands of once-eager young athletes are dropping out before they start.
Travel soccer? “I don’t want to play anymore.”
Bantam hockey? “Takes too much time.”
Middle school basketball? “It’s boring.”
When your young athlete comes to you and says he or she wants to quit, what do you do? How do you react?
First, realize you’re not alone.
An estimated 38 million children between ages 5 and 18 participate in one or more organized sports programs in the United States — but every year, a third of them quit. Some switch to other sports, some pursue other interests, and some just burn out.
Researchers have been trying to devise a scientific way to predict which children will drop out, when they’re most likely to do it and why.
“People burn out in different ways. It’s like the flu,” says Daniel Gould, professor of sports science at the University of North Carolina, who presented findings on sports attrition at a conference at Michigan State University this summer.
As a parent, there are some specific strategies you can employ to help your child decide whether and when to quit a sport.
Megan’s mom saw the burnout coming. She didn’t want to wait until her daughter got stomachaches or started crying like other stressed-out figure skaters. After six months of soul-searching, the family decided Megan would be better off quitting.
“Megan always tried her best. But at the end, it was more work for her than enjoyment,” says Judy Irving.
Many parents are supportive of sports participation — as long as their child is doing what they want them to do. But some who have invested a lot of time, cash and miles in a child’s sport get upset when that child suddenly walks away. They may worry their son or daughter is spoiled, a quitter, lazy or wasting their potential. They may be angry and hurt. They may see their own dreams slipping away.
What can you do when your child wants to quit his or her sport? Here’s a guide, based on the newest findings from this summer’s conference at Michigan State University’s Institute for the Study of Youth Sports. Here’s how to help your children emerge from youth sports with skills, not scars:
Q. Which kids are most likely to drop out of youth sports?
A. Yours.
Just kidding. But chances are good that your children will try many sports and stop playing most of them by age 14.
Here’s why:
– Your child is growing up. Until age 12, a child pretty much goes along with what Mom and Dad suggest. But between 12 and 14, he or she suddenly starts to make their own decisions, including participation in sports. This can lead to conflict. By adolescence, peers are replacing parents as influences, including whether to play sports, found Maureen Weiss, professor of sports psychology at University of Virginia.
– Your child may have a personality that makes him more likely to drop out. Some children are “ego-oriented” — they think sports ability is a gift; you either have it or you don’t. Other kids are “task-oriented” — they believe you can improve with practice. If you are high in both task and ego orientation, you are most likely to keep playing. If you are low in both, you are most likely to drop out.
“Unfortunately, low-task, low-ego motivation is overrepresented by girls,” says Stuart Biddle, professor of exercise science at Loughborough University in England, who studies the psychology of sports attrition and motivation.
– Your child may be playing sports for the wrong reason. If their external motivation is high — that is, if they have been playing to please others — they risk dropping out. Children with internal motivation — a personal love of the sport — will keep playing, says Biddle.
– Your child may be anxious. About 10 percent of children who play sports have anxious personalities, says Gould, the University of North Carolina researcher. They tend to have lower self-esteem, expect their team will lose and expect they won’t do well.
These children have frequent worries about the coach, have less fun and are less satisfied with their performance, win or lose. They also may be afraid their parents will be angry if they don’t do well. They want to drop out to avoid the worries.
Q. Any difference between girls or boys?
A. The world hasn’t changed much, Gould found. Boys play sports even if they’re not very good at them. They participate in sports for reinforcement of their masculinity.
Although sports participation by younger girls is soaring, by high school only girls with high skill levels tend to play organized sports. For girls, there is a very strong correlation between skill level and participation. If they’re not good at a sport, they drop out. Why? Girls are accepted by peers whether they play sports or not; they don’t need it for status.
About 30 percent of high school freshman girls play sports, but that number drops to 17 percent by senior year, according to the Women’s Sports Foundation. Your daughter may need more encouragement to stick with a sport.
Q. Why do kids drop out?
A. Scott Kefgen played baseball, hockey and soccer as a child. His freshman year of high school he even played football.
“But after that I just decided it wasn’t what I wanted. I had more fun with singing and acting — and I was more successful,” says Kefgen, who is now 18 and will soon be a freshman at Western Michigan University, where he’ll study music education.
Despite the fact that his father, Ron, is the head of the Grosse Pointe Woods-Shores Little League, Scott says his dad and mom, Patti Steele, let him follow his own dreams.
Researchers have long tried to quantify the reasons why children drop out of youth sports. A few years ago, USA Swimming, the national organization that funnels the nation’s best young swimmers toward the Olympics, studied why a third of its swimmers dropped out every year.
The study found one simple reason: It wasn’t fun.
Kids who dropped out thought swimming took too much time, the coach was negative or it was boring. Kids who stayed thought swimming was fun because they got to be with friends, got complimented and encouraged by the coach, they won races, and they had a reputation as a good swimmer.
“We also found that what used to be fun at age 9 might not be fun by age 13,” says Suzie Tuffey, sports psychology director for USA Swimming in Colorado Springs, Colo.
Two other recent studies mentioned at the MSU conference — one of children in Mexico ages 9-18 and one of junior tennis players ages 12-23 in the United States — found similar results. The children and teens who dropped out felt they were missing out on other things in their lives, there was too much emphasis on winning, and they had developed what pros call a “unit dimensional identity problem” — they thought of themselves only as tennis players.
Q. Can a coach cause kids to drop out?
A. Yes. Some children drop out not because they are pressured, but because they are ignored and neglected by the coach. If a child is benched and never gets to play, he or she likely will drop out, says Jody Brylinsky, associate professor of sports studies at Western Michigan University in Kalamazoo.
Worse, a child who is afraid of the coach or teammates will likely quit. A 1997 Canadian study found that 25 percent of children playing youth sports reported they’d been verbally abused by the coach or other players. A poor coach or hostile environment can drive a child off a playing field faster than the threat of lightning.
Q. What can parents do about it?
A. “From my perspective, parents need to direct children toward sports from a young age. But let kids have a voice in making the decisions,” says Tuffey of USA Swimming.
