`Elbows off the table, please.”
“Stand up straight.”
“Say `thank you’ to Aunt Mary.”
Have you repeated these rules to your child lately? If so, you’re helping to weave your son or daughter into the fabric of society, says Sabrina Colinet, etiquette instructor for Excel, the Flossmoor-based company she founded in 1996, its mission to make the world a little more civil.
Colinet learned the fine points of etiquette at home and church when she was growing up in Chicago, but she recognizes that much of what she heard is not being passed down to the next generation.
“My mother expected us to be at the table at 6 o’clock each night for dinner. I used to wonder why we were doing this,” she says. “Now I see people coming in with all kinds of faux pas. We are raising another generation of social illiterates — unequipped and unable to perform simple social functions with any degree of proficiency.
“I did a training this summer of a group of high school students, and I brought out the china. Several of them were stunned. They’d tell me, `Well, we don’t eat this way.’ Or, `We eat off paper plates.’ Or, `I eat in my room.’ We’ve lost the essence of really finding out what our children are doing, what they’re about and who they are, and that (dinner hour) can really be the time to instill certain values.”
Colinet is attempting to right these shortcomings through etiquette programs that, depending on the age of the participants and need, can range from proper table etiquette to preparing for a job.
It’s never too early to begin instilling manners, she says. Excel’s four-week program for preschoolers, tailored for children as young as 3, focuses on reinforcing basic social skills through do’s and don’t’s (do speak when spoken to, ask permission first, say hello and goodbye, ask questions if you aren’t certain of something; don’t hit, throw or spit, throw tantrums, eat with your hands unless it’s a finger food item).
For school-age children and adolescents, Colinet has designed a six-week program that covers everything from body language, personal appearance, table etiquette and dining etiquette to social skills and a review and evaluation session. She describes etiquette as the foundation of her classes, with “tentacles” that reach out to embrace concepts such as resume writing, rapport building, dressing for success and more.
“Understanding the art of subtle nuances, that’s what etiquette is. Doing what you’re supposed to in reference to the social skills with flair and a touch of dignity so that when you’re seen, people recognize that there’s something different about you,” Colinet explains. “Your appearance commands respect.”
Colinet, 30, traces her interest in her subject back to age 10, when her grandmother gave her her first etiquette book, a collection she added to throughout high school. With her upbringing and acquired knowledge of china, flatware and crystal, Colinet decided to major in hospitality management at Roosevelt University. An internship with one of the major hotels changed her career path, “although I learned a great deal more about the service industry as a whole and about the servicing of those who are your patrons. I therefore consider my college training in this very select area of study to be part of what qualified me to be an etiquette instructor.”
She draws her class material from 108 books spanning back to the 15th Century and examining everything from social anthropology to the evolution of table manners. Her students learn how society came to set the rules they hope to follow.
“I can tell them how salt moved from being a heap on a table to a heap on a plate to a saltcellar with a salt spoon to a saltshaker. It adds humor, and it also takes the workshop to a different level and makes it very interesting to see how things have changed over time,” she says.
Corinne Swearingen, 11, of Homewood was enthusiastic about what she had learned during the six-week session, including proper handshakes and introductions, appearance and table etiquette. As she sat at Glenwood Oaks Restaurant through a recent training meal, Corinne said she was paying close attention to using the proper utensils, correctly breaking bread and wiping the crumbs from her mouth.
Her mother, Charmaine Swearingen, affirmed the value of the class.
“My daughter listened to everything Miss Colinet said, and she took it to heart and has tried to implement the (points). She’s even practiced walking with a book on her head (for posture). The feedback we got after each session also helped us to reinforce the lesson at home.”
Proper etiquette extends far beyond the dinner table. Colinet gives accounts of students who have lost out on internships because they failed to meet the dress code and one outstanding high school senior who was passed over for an Ivy League scholarship because he wore an earring to the interview.
“As our economy becomes less industrial and more service driven, social decorum in the work environment is and will continue to be a vital attribute toward upward mobility and success,” she stresses.
Her client list has included the Chicago Board of Education, Illinois Institute of Technology, Chicago Heights Youth Activities Programs, Roosevelt University Upward Bound Program, Thornton Township High School District 205 and Whitney Young Magnet High School. Christine Essley, former acting dean of students at Benedictine University in Lisle, called on Colinet in March 1998 to be part of a three-day panel for graduating seniors.
“I wanted a program because I wasn’t sure they understood (how to move) from higher education to business. I knew it was information they needed.”
For the program, Colinet emphasized etiquette but also answered questions on interviewing, including how to approach the chair, body posture, speaking presentation.
Colinet also structures programs around clients’ needs. At St. James School in Sauk Village and Infant Jesus of Prague School in Flossmoor, Colinet gives a five-week training session for junior high students with the themes of self-esteem and self-enhancement.
St. James principal Dan Fitzgerald says he considers the program essential because it gives them a positive approach to a different dimension of life.
“The students are interested in and very inquisitive about what she has to say. The program exposes them to a different perspective. It’s a program that I’ve been encouraging other educators to look at.”
“With the children it’s a blast,” Colinet says. “You have to find a way to make it interesting so they grab hold of it. It’s kind of a kick to have them walk up to you and see their eyes gleam and glitter. Or to have them meet me on the street months later and tell me they enjoyed it. That’s very special.”
———-
For information on Excel etiquette classes, contact Sabrina Colinet at Excel, P.O. Box 651, Flossmoor, IL 60422, or by calling 312-842-9669.
