Good morning, Kip Wells.
What part of “three outs” don’t you understand?
– Sources say Toronto free agent Tracy McGrady has been asking around the league about potential teammates who’ll share the ball because Vince Carter doesn’t. McGrady specifically asked about Elton Brand. Another source said Brand would be happy to tell McGrady that, yeah, dude, sure, he’ll share the ball, or have it Fed-Exed to McGrady, or even buy him one of his own, just as long as he shows up and helps bring 40 more wins with him.
– Tim Floyd has been eating dirt for two years with the rosters Jerry Krause has foisted upon him, so if Krause had obtained high school project Darius Miles, who went to the Clippers, I say Floyd jumps across the table and rips Krause apart, chin by chin.
– By the way, Darius Miles, your career is over.
– Same goes for you, Quentin Richardson.
– You, too, Corey Maggette.
– Raise your hand if you’re absolutely tickled that egomaniacal franchise-wrecking David Falk has two clients–Miles and Richardson–going to the Clippers.
– What’s your favorite memory of the Chris Mihm era?
– Krause always talks about how the Bulls only bring in character guys, even after he acquired the APB formerly known as Dennis Rodman, so it must’ve been some other Khalid El-Amin from some other national champion UConn team who got busted for possession of marijuana in April 1999.
– Anyone who thinks UConn center Jake Voskuhl will play for the Bulls apparently has been partying with El-Amin.
– Get a load of this from the money-grubbing buffoons who run the Blackhawks organ-I-zation. Gary O’Reilly of Libertyville, who has been one of Billfold Wirtz’s “season reservation holders” on the glass since 1978, back when they cost $11 and the Hawks stunk like now, was told Wednesday his two $75 seats on the glass would now cost him — are you sitting down? — $250 each. Just like that. From $75 to $250 a game. From $6,750 a season to, yikes, $22,500 for the pair. This for a team that missed the playoffs the last three years!
The Hawks did not answer their season-ticket line Thursday afternoon, nor did they have voicemail. O’Reilly said if he doesn’t capitulate to the Hawks’ outlandish demands, he’ll be moved perhaps to the fourth row, worse seats but still $75. Asked a stunned O’Reilly: “How much would the seats be if Dollar Bill actually put a good team on the ice? Five-hundred bucks?”
– Cal Eldred, your table is ready.
– Sammy Sosa says his relationship with Don Baylor is beyond hope. Sosa’s agent says Sosa’s relationship with Baylor has nothing to do with this. Must be hard to keep your self-martyring stories straight when you’re snaking your way to the front of the money store.
– John Rocker’s Stupidity Circus has been a bigger distraction than Sammy Sosa’s GreedFest 2000, but the Braves are in first place and the Cubs stink on ice. Any conclusions you want to draw about how those standings also reflect the yawning chasm of the management abilities of those teams, fine by me.
– Bring me the head of John Rocker.
– The end: Mariners outfielder John Mabry, on his philosophy while pitching in a recent game: “Just get them to hit the ball at someone, and hope they don’t kill any fielders in the process.”
