So the tension at home has finally erupted into a crisis, and you’re in the middle of a problem with your spouse. Or perhaps your teenager has gotten into trouble at school or with the law.
The situation is not going away overnight. Meanwhile, it’s hard to keep your mind on what’s happening at work.
Should you tell your supervisor?
Yes, say many managers. Co-workers who may be affected by a change in your work performance also should know. But you may not want to share all the gory details.
“Any significant crisis at home will have an impact at work, no matter how hard you try to act like nothing is wrong,” said Stephen Arbo, general manager of the Lakewood Property Owners Association in Lee’s Summit, a suburb of Kansas City, Mo.
“If I know the general nature of the problem, I’ll be more understanding and accepting of behaviors at work that are unusual for that employee,” said Arbo, who supervises 17 full-time employees. “This is especially true if the person is a dedicated, dependable employee.”
Chances are that the people you work with already know when you’re upset.
“When you work with people 40 to 70 hours a week, a good manager will know something is wrong and will initiate a conversation. The personal life is discussed with trusted managers all the time,” said Linda French, assistant professor of business administration at William Jewell College in Liberty, Mo.
Try not to let your work performance be affected any more than is absolutely necessary. And while you may need extra help from other employees, it’s best not to let that get out of hand.
“Keep performing as much as you can at your normal level,” said Connie Russell, a career development coach and licensed clinical social worker in Kansas City, Mo. “Co-workers can resent your spending too much time on personal phone calls or away from the office if they have to pick up the slack for you.”
Managers responsible for making sure the job gets done can’t put aside policies or rules indefinitely for one person.
“It’s not a lack of sympathy,” explained Holly McCoy, vice president, human relations, at Farmland Industries Inc. “Even if you are having problems, you’re still responsible for your work. If you can’t concentrate, don’t be surprised if your next employee evaluation or appraisal reflects this, and don’t be mad at the supervisor.”
There might be a downside to revealing your personal problems at work, according to Russell. She advises some caution when you talk to your employer.
“The problem is that you can’t be sure what the supervisor will do with the information,” she said. “You might have a swell manager, but you don’t know what the person above her will do.”
Russell suggests giving information on a “need to know” basis.
“If you need to be absent or perform significantly below normal standards, if you can’t get the work done as assigned, then certainly you must tell the supervisor and anyone at work who will be affected,” she said. “Unfortunately, there’s still a stigma attached to problems with family, so you should be careful.”
What if yours is a close-knit office?
“If you have close friends at work, if you fully trust them and they’ve shared personal information with you, you might feel perfectly comfortable in sharing your problems,” Russell said. “But realize that work is not necessarily a benevolent environment. It’s not reasonable to expect the organization to take care of you.”
Maybe not, but some employers offer help.
“Check with your benefits area to see if there is an employee assistance program,” McCoy advised. “If it’s available, take advantage of the professional counseling. They can help with your personal problems or, as in the case of a family member with a substance abuse problem, how to deal with that person’s problem.”
The reality is that most employees will eventually have to deal with some kind of crisis, Arbo said. In 14 years of city government work, he has seen everyone from field maintenance employees to high-level professionals hit by some kind of personal crisis.
“All of us will have an occasion like this,” Arbo said. “It’s not like a rare disease. It hits everyone.”
To get through a crisis:
– Have a support system outside work: a support group, a minister or counselor. Talking about the problem is important.
– Have a designated person not connected with work with whom you can touch base briefly during the workday.
– Get outside during your lunch hour. Eat and walk around outside. It changes your environment, and you’ll get physical activity.
– Take care of yourself: Eat right, sleep, exercise regularly.
– Pamper yourself with a pleasant treat.
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