Dear Ann Landers: I don’t like airing my family’s dirty laundry in public, but frankly, I don’t know where else to turn. I am 30 years old, and my sister is 32. My mother has always favored my sister, and everyone knows it. She treated “Lily” to European vacations, new cars and fancy meals, not to mention spending more time with her. Mom never forgets Lily’s birthday, and makes a big deal of it. On my last birthday, I didn’t receive so much as a card.
I am happily married and have a terrific job. My family always expected me to help my sister financially, and I have done so willingly. The truth is, I am more independent and more successful than Lily will ever be, and I’m certain my mother’s favoritism toward my sister was a big motivator.
I once complained to my mother about the favoritism. She admitted that she treats Lily better than me, but nothing changed. I know she is proud of my accomplishments, but it doesn’t ease the pain, or the anger and resentment in my heart. My husband says I am banging my head against a brick wall if I expect my family to treat me better. Maybe I should stop torturing myself and write them off completely. Please give me some advice.
Tired of It in Tucson, Ariz.
Dear Tucson: There is nothing more destructive to family harmony than parents who treat one child better than the other. Your mother is Exhibit A. I urge you to get into therapy as soon as possible. The sibling rivalry factor that should have been dealt with appropriately many years ago is still an active ingredient in your life, and continues to make you miserable. There will be no peace for you until you get past it. The answer is therapy, therapy, therapy.
Dear Ann Landers: I am currently involved with a decent and kind man. He has been living with me and my four children for several months, and we get along very well. The problem is his daughter. She has attention-deficit, hyperactive disorder. Her parents are in charge of her medication, but they do not give it to her properly. Her mother overmedicates her, and her father undermedicates her. When the girl is not taking her medication, she becomes nervous and cannot think clearly. Then, her father loses his patience and starts to yell.
I have tried to tell him how important it is to keep the girl on a consistent medication schedule, but he becomes upset with me, and says I am blaming him for her problems. He told me he is worried about the long-term effects of the drug, but frankly, the girl cannot function without it. I don’t know how to get through to him, and I don’t think I can manage to be around the girl much longer. Do you have any suggestions?
Anaheim, Calif.
Dear Anaheim: Make an appointment with the girl’s doctor for you and that “decent and kind man.” He needs to be told by the doctor precisely how much medication his daughter needs, and how important it is to stick with the program. If the child’s mother could be included in the meeting, it would be a big plus. That girl is lucky to have you in her life. You sound like the most sane and balanced person in the picture. Please try to stick around a little longer.
Dear Ann Landers: You printed some lines from a reader’s will recently. I’d appreciate it if you’d do the same for me. Here’s the message:
“I want my creditors to be my pallbearers. They have carried me all my life, so they might as well carry me all the way.”
Clifford in Vancouver, Wash.
Dear Clifford: Thanks for the oldie — it’s still good for a laugh.
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