Dear Ann Landers: I recently visited a college friend at his school. I noticed that every time we stepped into the elevator, he refused to press the button for his floor. He would either go to whatever floor was already pressed and walk the remaining flights, or timidly ask the other passengers if it was OK for him to press the button for his floor.
When I asked him about this, he told me it was “elevator etiquette.” He says it is impolite to press a button for your own floor because everyone is in such a rush that your additional stop would be too great an inconvenience.
I have never heard of such etiquette. Please tell me the proper way to behave in an elevator. I consider you an expert on etiquette, and would like to enlighten him. Liz in Upstate New York
Dear Liz: Thanks for the compliment, but my “specialty” is ordinary, everyday common sense. I can tell you, however, that there is no such etiquette rule regarding elevators. Those elevator buttons are for the convenience of all passengers. It is expected that every passenger will press the button that corresponds to the floor he or she wants to reach.
I realize that a passenger who wishes to get off at 15 may become frustrated when three or four passengers slow him up by punching 9, 11 and 14, but a mature person does not become unhinged or resentful if the elevator makes several stops before he reaches his destination.
Meanwhile, your friend need not ask permission to press a button, nor should he apologize to the other elevator occupants for slowing them up. It sounds like the guy needs a course in self-assertion.
Dear Ann Landers: My ex-mother-in-law has begun a strange new ritual when she visits my 2-year-old daughter. She brings new toys, lets “Cyndi” play with them for a few hours, then packs them up and takes them home. This confuses Cyndi, and she cries when this happens. It breaks my heart.
Why is this woman teasing my daughter? I have asked her not to do this. She can see how much it upsets Cyndi, but refuses to stop this cruel behavior. I have told her she doesn’t have to bring toys when she visits because I have plenty, and if she wants to bring a gift, she should leave it here. I do not understand why she insists on bringing a toy store, and then takes it back with her when she leaves.
I don’t want to prevent her from spending time with her granddaughter, but I cannot bear to see my little girl treated this way. What should I do? Momma
Dear Momma: It appears that Grandma has some strudel in her noodle or a bit of a mean streak. Tell her she is not permitted to bring toys to Cyndi, that the child has plenty, and you don’t want her spoiled. Be adamant about this. If Grandma shows up with toys after your little speech, take the items, place them in a bag, and put them in the closet until she is ready to go home. Then hand them to her.
Dear Ann Landers: I read those letters about able-bodied folks who refuse to give up their seats on buses and subways for those in need. Years ago, I was standing at the rear of a full bus that remained at a standstill for a long time. Finally, I heard the bus driver shout, “This bus isn’t moving until the lady carrying the baby is seated.”
Within 10 seconds, the bus was moving. How’s that for a solution? Karen in Berkeley, Calif.
Dear Berkeley: That bus driver sounds like my kind of guy. If I had been on that bus, I would have kissed him.
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