Dear Ann Landers: Three months ago, a man I have known casually for a few years asked me out on a date.
We met for lunch, and “Brandon” surprised me with flowers. Since then, we have gone out to dinner, a movie, on walks in the park and long drives. I enjoy his company, and he seems to enjoy mine. He has introduced me to his friends and family, and I have done the same.
So what’s wrong? Brandon has never hugged or kissed me. When I took the initiative and kissed him on the lips recently, he did not resist, nor did he respond with any enthusiasm. I have not tried to kiss him since.
Brandon asks me out at least once a week and always brings flowers. He is pleasant and respectful, and we have a good time together, but that’s it. I’d hate to ruin a nice relationship, but do you think I should say something to him? I am an attractive woman and would appreciate a little affection. How can I get what I want without coming across as a hussy? — No Kisses in Cincinnati
Dear Cincinnati: After three months of steady dating, it is strange that Brandon has not so much as put his arm around you. I don’t think your acceptance of his odd behavior is going to produce positive results.
Ask Brandon why he is so reluctant to show any sign of affection for you. There may be an explanation. However, if you want affection and Brandon is unable to give it, I urge you to look elsewhere.
Dear Ann Landers: I have been in a wonderful relationship with “Matt” for four years. We have no intention of getting married. Our families have accepted our decision, and we all get along fine.
Here’s the problem: Matt’s divorced mother gave him her beautiful set of platinum wedding rings to give to me. Her only condition was that the rings would be returned to Matt if we ever split up. I have no problem with that, but I do have a problem with the rings. I am uncomfortable being responsible for someone else’s jewelry and would feel terrible if I lost a family heirloom. Also, these rings symbolize a failed marriage to me. If Matt and I ever decide to marry, I would want my own rings.
Last week, Matt’s mother noticed I was not wearing the rings and became quite upset. What can I say without hurting her feelings? — Maine Miss
Dear Maine: Tell Matt’s mother you are uncomfortable wearing her rings because you are afraid you might lose them. Say you will put them in a safe place so they can someday be appreciated by any children Matt might have in the future. Let’s hope she understands.
Dear Ann Landers: You recently printed a letter from a young widow. Her husband died by suicide, and she wanted to know how to survive her grief. You told her she would get over it in time. Ann, you don’t “get over” the loss of a loved one. You get through it.
My son-in-law died by suicide a few months ago. He left behind our young daughter and 5-year-old granddaughter. Our daughter and her child are getting counseling, and family members are attending grief therapy at our church. This helps, but we all know our lives have been changed forever. We’re coping, but we will never “get over it.” — Des Moines, Iowa, Reader
Dear Des Moines: My condolences on the loss of your son-in-law. You sound like a wise woman and a strong support for your daughter and her child. Be patient, and let time heal the wound.
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