Dear Cheryl: I’ve been a single mom for seven years. During those years, I jump-started my career, went back to school to get my degree (nights and weekends), and raised two kids. I didn’t date much because I was too busy and too tired. But now my youngest child is ready to graduate from high school and move away.
A year ago, I met a single dad. Within a few months of dating, he asked me to marry him. Last November he asked if he could move in. I asked for more time. Then a couple of months ago, I made room in my closet (which is really huge for me) and said OK.
Now, I know this may come as a shock, but guess what happened? He started coming over less, calling less, canceling plans. I would ask to talk about it, and we would get things resolved. Then the same thing would happen all over again. He would make excuses and insist he loves me and then not call for weeks. A few weeks ago was the last time I asked him what was going on. He said he loved me and wanted to marry me and we agreed to go to counseling. I made the appointment. He never showed up.
I know this sounds like a cheesy soap opera, and I used to make fun of women who said these things and think to myself, “Get over it, he doesn’t want anything to do with you, move on!” But I am truly heartbroken. I feel like I may have said or done something wrong. I waited so long to be emotionally ready for a relationship and waited for my children to be ready for me to have a relationship, and look what happened.
— Baffled In The Burbs
Dear Baffled In The Burbs: Please, please, please don’t blame yourself. You didn’t do anything wrong. And please don’t bother trying to figure out what happened. Your boyfriend hasn’t got a clue as to why he did what he did, what chance do you have? What you have to do is realize that it’s over. Don’t call him, don’t accept his calls, don’t allow him back into your life, no matter what he promises. You’re only prolonging the pain. And remain optimistic. You’re ready to meet a man –that’s good — now you just have to meet the right one. And this guy ain’t it.
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Got a problem? Send it to Cheryl Lavin, Tales from the Front, Chicago Tribune, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611, or e-mail Cheryllavin@aol.com.
