The Wall Street Journal reported this week that the ever-expansive McDonald’s is exploring ways to “extend” its more than 30,000 restaurants, by selling more than just food. Apparently one idea in the works is to install computers that would link customers to a mortgage-finance agency. Well, the Tempo Subcommittee on Diversification has some better ideas.
– Coin-operated McDefibrillator, for after-dinner survival fun.
– McLaw School to train patrons interested in trademark infringement law. Classes would meet each weeknight in classroom space reconverted from the failed Discovery Zones.
– McAdopt, a linkup facility where parents overwhelmed by their whining offspring could offer them to unwitting couples who are eager to have kids.
– McFurniture: Discounted La-Z-Boy recliners with complimentary TV remotes.
– McVitro, an offshoot of McAdopt, where you would get fertility treatments while your food was being prepared.
– Following the lead of supermartkets, McFinance, where you could build for your retirement while hastening your death from cholesterol.
– McCarwash. Franchise owners can cash in on all that wasted time patrons spend in the creeping drive-through line.
– McMotivate, a line of success-oriented videos stressing the get-rich formulas of Ray Kroc.
– McBar, in select cities, offering St. Patrick’s Day shakes with a shot of whiskey and vodka-heavy McFlurries.
– McGym facilities, giving a discounted rate to those who supersize it.
– McOrgan: While you’re chowing down, why not donate a liver?
– McWar-on-terrorism, kiosk next to the shake machine where customers can report suspicious neighbors, and get a free small drink.
