I’ve been watching the Breeder’s Cup betting scandal and it got me thinking. So, I asked my RedEye editors if I could file my picks a little later. Say, next Tuesday, noonish maybe? Upside: The extra days would give me a little more time to use my best handwriting, not to mention some nice underlining in colored pencil. And I’d also paperclip a couple Andrew Jacksons for the poor schmuck who has to type these picks every Thursday.
No dice, the editors said.
And I tipped my cap to them in acknowledgement of the “dice” reference on a gambling story, although I’m sure they did it entirely by accident. They apparently believe readers need NFL picks before NFL games. Not if you’re using my picks, I replied. For once, they had nothing to add.
You’ve read last week’s results (look left, Bozo) and you know I can do better. So let me put the word out loud and clear: I need computer hackers, with special consideration given to those with experience in cracking editorial systems.
In exchange for your help, since Drexel doesn’t have a football team, here’s a bonus pick: We like the Drexel men’s crew to win the Frostbite Regatta in a slight edge (6:06.61 to 6:09.31) over
St. Joseph’s. That’s right, Drexel wins on the home river.
Moving back to the NFL, there are no byes for NFL teams this week, only bye-byes for half of them. Unless there’s a tie. But enough math. My head hurts.
WHIZZER REVIEW
OK, LET’S REVIEW: If five teams had not disappointed all of us, I’d be over .500. Instead, I went 5-9-0. I blame myself. And so do you.
GOOD DOG, YES YOU ARE (win):
Atlanta, Green Bay, NY Giants, NY Jets, Oakland.
NO, WHIZZER! (loss): Patriots, Cincinnati, Tennessee, Philadelphia, Carolina (told you), St. Louis, Washington, San Francisco, Arizona.
OVERALL: 16-23-3
LIQUID LOCK
Cleveland (4-5) at Cincinnati (1-8)
Time: Noon
Head to head: Browns lead 30-28
Watch your step: Browns offense starting to take shape with 20 or more points in four of last five games but the Bengals have scored — WHAT? — 89 points over the last three games. And Chad Johnson (right) is back with another “guaranteed” win. What’s this guy on? And why doesn’t he share?
Keep scratching: Between these two, Browns lead in all-time points by 1,176-1,165. So, if the Bengals win 12-0, everybody can still go on not giving a damn.
Glantz & Culver say: Browns by 3
Over/Under: 40
The final shake: Browns
CURB THAT ANIMAL
If you pick this game, clean up your own mess.
New Orleans (7-2) at Atlanta (5-3-1)
Time: Noon
Head to head: Saints lead 39-27
Watch your step: The Saints are 15-6 on the road under Jim Haslett, and Aaron Brooks is soaring to the top of every QB ranking. When he nails a passer rating of 100 or more in any game, the Saints are 9-1. Vick continues to amaze if only because he doesn’t throw picks.
Keep scratching: Atlanta’s D allows seventh-fewest points. “I’m not driving the train,” defensive coordinator Wade Phillips said. “I’m just clanging the bell.” But does he wear the overalls?
Glantz & Culver say: Falcons by 3
Over/Under: 51
The final shake: Falcons
Dallas (3-5) at Indianapolis (5-4)
Time: Noon
Head to head:
Cowboys lead 7-4
Watch your step: Cowboys rookie QB Chad Hutchinson has yet to win. The Colts, however, slapped the mighty Eagles in their grill and QB Peyton Manning is hooking up with WR Marvin Harrison (972 yards, six TDs) as well as they ever have.
Keep scratching: Colts rookie RB James Mungro went to Syracuse? So did Jim Brown. Enough said.
Glantz & Culver say: Colts by 6
Over/Under: 40
The final shake: Colts
MONDAY NIGHT
Chicago (2-7) at St. Louis (4-5)
Time & TV: 7 p.m. on ABC
Head to head: Bears lead 47-32-3
Watch your step: With so much QB talk in Chicago, it’s fun to note that Rams QB Marc Bulger (below) spent the 2000 training camp with New Orleans, then two weeks on Atlanta’s practice squad, and one week on St. Louis’ practice squad. Now he leads the league with a 107.4 passer rating.
Keep scratching: Rams seek fifth straight game with 27 or more points after posting none in first 5. Bears fans, that’s not a light at the end of the tunnel. That’s a diesel train.
Glantz & Culver say: Off
Over/Under: Off
The final shake: Bears
Buffalo (5-4) at Kansas City (4-5)
Time & TV: Noon on CBS
Head to head: Bills lead 18-14-1
Watch your step: KC’s defense allows
425 yards a game (bad) but is an AFC-high plus-7 in turnovers (good).
Keep scratching: How many pro-football teams can claim Chicago-native Marv Levy as coach? These two. And the Chicago Blitz.
Glantz & Culver say: Chiefs by 3
Over/Under: 51
The final shake: Buffalo. But it’d be fun to take the Blitz, just like the old days.
San Francisco (7-2) at San Diego (6-3)
Time: 3:05 p.m.
Head to head: 49ers lead 6-3
Watch your step: When 49ers RBs Garrison Hearst and Kevan Barlow do well, the Bay Area smiles. When Chargers’ RB LaDainian Tomlinson (NFL-high 965 yards) does well, I promise to spell his name right.
Keep scratching: Chargers QB is 4-1 when he starts in the state of California.
Glantz & Culver say: 49ers by 2
Over/Under: 43
The final shake: 49ers
Green Bay (8-1) at Minnesota (2-7)
Time & TV: Noon on Fox
Head to head: Series tied 40-40-1
Watch your step: A Packer win and a Detroit loss clinches the NFC North for Green Bay. It’s not even Thanksgiving. Gawd.
Keep scratching: You glance and think “blowout.” You’re right.
Glantz & Culver say: Packers by 7
Over/Under: 50
The final shake: Packers
Baltimore (4-5) at Miami (5-4)
Time: 3:15 p.m.
Head to head: Dolphins lead 2-0
Watch your step: Dolphins RB Ricky Williams has 464 yards and three TDs in four 4 home games, but this is Ravens’ D.
Keep scratching: Raven’s safety Ed Reed played for ‘Canes. He can’t get you tickets.
Glantz & Culver say: Dolphins by 4
Over/Under: 35
The final shake: Ravens
N.Y. Jets (4-5) at Detroit (3-6)
Time & TV: 3:15 p.m. on CBS
Head to head: Lions lead 6-3
Watch your step: It’s not crazy to call this the most intriguing game of the week. Jets QB Chad Pennington looks very comfortable and coverboy QB Joey Harrington (right) has won three at Ford Field.
Keep scratching: “It’s crazy,” says Jets defensive tackle Josh Evans. Josh, see above.
Glantz & Culver say: Jets by 3
Over/Under: 43
The final shake: J-E-T-S!
Washington (4-5) at N.Y. Giants (5-4)
Time: Noon
Head to head: Giants lead 77-57-4
Watch your step: N.Y. has won two straight. I call that “mo.” You call it “momentum.”
Keep scratching: If I had told you the ‘Skins would be 4-5 under Steve Spurrier, you would have said “Whoa, a talking dog!”
Glantz & Culver say: Giants by 3
Over/Under: 37
The final shake: Giants
Pittsburgh (5-3-1) at Tennessee (5-4)
Time: Noon
Head to head: Steelers lead 37-26
Watch your step: The Steelers’ O was simply amazing last week. Titans have won seven of the last nine games in this series.
Keep scratching: Steelers QB Tommy Maddox could become the fourth QB to have two 400-yard games in a row. Dan Fouts, Dan Marino and Phil Simms are the others. Tommy, your future TV career rides on this.
Glantz & Culver say: Steelers by 3
Over/Under: 44
The final shake: Steelers
Denver (6-3) at Seattle (3-6)
Time: 3:15 p.m.
Head to head: Broncos lead 32-17
Watch your step: It’s a short week for the Broncos, who got waxed by Oakland. Seattle’s Shaun Alexander (542 yards) is due.
Keep scratching: I was sorry to read reports of John Elway’s marital troubles. Seattle fans weren’t.
Glantz & Culver say: Broncos by 5
Over/Under: 42
The final shake: Seattle
Arizona (4-5) at Philadelphia (6-3)
Time: Noon
Head to head: Cardinals lead 52-51-5
Watch your step: Before today, I did not know that sometimes sketchy QB Jake Plummer was 6-3 against the Eagles.
Keep scratching: Don’t look at my pick, OK?
Glantz & Culver say: Eagles by 11
Over/Under: 37
The final shake: Cardinals. You looked? Damn you.
Jacksonville (4-5) at Houston (2-7)
Time: Noon
Head to head: Texans lead 1-0
Watch your step: Can the Jags lose to these upstart Texans again?
Keep scratching: We all know Jacksonville is on each and every one of your lists of cities that don’t need pro franchises.
Glantz & Culver say: Jaguars by 6
Over/Under: 37
The final shake: Jaguars
Carolina (3-6) at Tampa Bay (7-2)
Time: 3:05 p.m.
Head to head: Bucs lead 3-1
Watch your step: The Bucs defense has allowed only nine TDs and scored five. No way Rodney Peete (two 300-yard games in seven starts) cracks these guys.
Keep scratching: Do these Panthers remind you of the 1974 Tampa Bay Buccaneers team? I hope not, because Tampa’s first season was ’76.
Glantz & Culver say: Bucs by 9
Over/Under: 34
The final shake: Bucs
New England (5-4) at Oakland (5-4)
Time & TV: 7:30 on ESPN
Head to head: Raiders lead 13-12-1
Watch your step: In a rematch of the over-talked-about Raiders boo-hoo playoff loss in the blizzard, Patriots QB Tom Brady (4-2 vs. AFC West teams) might have what it takes. We still think QB Rich Gannon plays better when he’s pissed off.
Keep scratching: Shut up and play ball.
Glantz & Culver say: Raiders by 4
Over/Under: 47
The final shake: Patriots
END AROUND
Where would I be without the Web? More importantly, where would fantasy players and the rest of us be without player pages on NFL.com? Here are the top 10 most accessed player statistics pages through the first two months of the season:
1. Brett Favre Green Bay
2. Emmitt Smith Dallas
3. Drew Bledsoe Buffalo
4. Ricky Williams Miami
5. Priest Holmes Kansas City
6. Marshall Faulk St. Louis
7. Jerry Rice Oakland
8. Michael Vick Atlanta
9. Tom Brady New England
10. Henry Burris Chicago*
OBLIGATORY BEARS ITEM
In four Monday Night Football games between the Rams and Bears, The Rams have a 3- 1 series advantage. The Bears won 24-23 in 1977 at home while the Rams have won three consecutive games (24-7 in 1981, 20-17 in 1986, and 20-3 in 1988). Kernel of hope: All of those Bears losses were to the Los Angeles Rams. See?
2-MINUTE DRILL (IF YOU READ SLOWLY)
No one has more interceptions over the past five seasons than Dolphins CB Sam Madison (24). But before you shoot him an e-card that includes audio of the Miami Vice theme song, know that the New York Jets Donnie Abraham and Oakland’s Rod Woodson are tied with him.
We love bar bets and here’s a good one that can make the kicking game actually fun to watch. The Chiefs have blocked a field goal or punt in 3 of past 4 games. Do they get one against Buffalo?
Vikings QB Daunte Culpepper has thrown 55 TD passes and needs four to pass Fran Tarkenton (the name as pubilshed has been corrected in this text) for the team record. Any day now, Daunte. Don’t make us bring Todd Bouman in again.
Be the first (and only) one to clip this and paste it to your refrigerator. Here are the NFL’s best records since 1999:
%% St. Louis Rams 41-16
Tennessee Titans 38-19
Green Bay Packers 37-20
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 37-20
Miami Dolphins 36-21
%%
Atlanta coach Dan Reeves has 193 career wins and needs one more to pass Chuck Knox for sixth on all-time list.
*Just kidding. Carry on.
