Dear Carolyn:
I’ve been seeing this guy at my college for about a year. When we started off we both agreed this was not to be a “serious” thing. So of course as the world turns, I fall head-over-heels in love with the guy, but never express it because of the situation. I assumed a summer break would cool my feelings and it did. However, we saw each other again, and he fell head-over-heels in love with me. But because he’s been hurt before and “blah, blah, blah,” he still doesn’t want to make it official. I’m tired of having my feelings jerked around. How do I save our friendship, maintain the ability to work in a classroom, but end the love?
Utterly Confused and Heartbroken
Dear Confused,
If you want to end the love, have him leave his dirty dishes all over your room, nag you to lay off the cheeseburgers and harp on what a saint his mother is.
But I’m not sure why you want to. You are/were head-over-heels, he is too, and to reduce this to a working friendship simply because neither of you has any clue what you’re doing is an almost criminal squandering of one of life’s best sensations.
You are tired of limbo. He isn’t making things easy. But you aren’t, either–not with your naive agreements and undisclosed feelings and summer detox plans, which, frankly, are in the same around-jerking class as his “blah, blah, blah.”
Until one of you just SAYS how you FEEL, that screaming you hear will be me. Timing gets messed up. Oh well! Relationships start one way and end up another. Oh well! Everybody on Earth has been hurt before. Either you let these things tell you how to live, or you at least try to live as you want: “I’m nuts about you and I want us to give it a shot.” If you think rejection is hard, try regret.
———-
Tellme@washpost.com.
For more, chicagotribune.com/advice.
