In Q Challenge 15, we asked for readers’ ideas for a reality show. Imagine if the wild show fantasies of reader Rob Nowosielski of Oswego ever got real:
Reality-show concept No. 1: “Meat the Animals”
In this adventure-reality show, contestants are dropped off in exotic locales, armed only with that flimsy bow-and-arrow set you had in high school gym class, to hunt wild animals. To add to the excitement, each contestant is required to wear pants made out of meat.
Host: “John, it appears as though that tiger has you cornered, and let me remind you, this is your final arrow.”
John: “AAAAAAAGH!!!!!!”
Host: “John, it’s time to say your goodbyes.”
John: “AAAAAAAGH! AAAAAAAGH!!”
Host: “We’ll check in on John later. I see some vultures circling overhead, so let’s see how the other contestants are doing.”
Big announcer voiceover: “Next week on ‘Meat the Animals . . . ‘ “
Contestant voiceover: AAAAAAGH!!!”
Show No. 2: “Raiding Spaces”
In this home-decorating reality show, teams of “designers” break into the home of random citizens and “remodel” the space.
Host: “OK, you can open your eyes now.”
Husband: “WHERE’S ALL OUR STUFF?! WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED HERE?!”
Host: “How do you like the way we added that graffiti to the walls? I think it adds a certain ‘gritty, urban appeal’ to the space.”
Wife: “I CAN’T FIND MY JEWELRY. . . . HONEY!?!?!?!?!”
Host: “Well, that’s all the time we have. Next week, in a very special episode, we’ll be ‘remodeling’ a garage. You won’t want to miss it!”
Reality show ‘n’ tell
Readers channel energy, create TV dream scenes
We asked readers, whom we’ve come to consider at least as bright as any network exec (hmmm), to create their own reality shows. The results just go to show how clever you all are!
– “Diva Island.” Whitney Houston, Diana Ross and Mariah Carey are left stranded on a deserted island and … no, that’s enough. Just strand them and leave them.
– “Reality, Shmeality.” Like “The Osbournes,” but cameras follow Jackie Mason around.
–Sharon Dynek, Chicago
Twenty men vie for a woman of no modest proportions. Little do they know the secret she’s keeping inside her Wonderbra! When this Double D is really a B, will these Romeos’ hearts still swell in their breasts? Or will all hell bust loose? Watch “Jane Stacked”!
–Jennifer Gomoll, Chicago
– “Beer Factor.” Contestants swig, chug and funnel their way through a brewery. It ends with a drunken spell-off of Wisconsin cities. Hosted by Diana Ross.
– “‘N Sync or Swim.” Contestants are stranded on an island where a certain boy band’s music is played day and night. The last person to swim off the island is the winner … we think.
–Jeff Hartzheim, Jefferson, La.
– “The Other Shoe.” Have the top dogs of major organizations experience the life of their bottom-of-the-totem-pole employees. For instance, the CEO of Jewel will bag groceries, stock canned soup and retrieve carts. George Steinbrenner can be bat boy and/or beer man for Yankees games. They’ll change life duties as well. The CEO of Jewel will sleep at the house of Jenny Martin, the grocery bagger. George Steinbrenner will ride the train into the Bronx for games just like Tony Brasio, the vendor.
–Jason Kieronski, Carol Stream
– “Trading Faces.” Two sets of neighbors get together with a plastic surgeon and a carpenter and then cosmetically alter each other’s faces.
– “Reel World.” Do you have what it takes to make it on the Bass Pro Tour?
– “American Midol.” Who is America’s favorite PMS-er?
– “Queen for a Day.” Twenty-five women vie to marry a handsome millionaire bachelor. Surprise: He’s gay. Surprise surprise: He really is rich, so winner doesn’t care.
–Mathew Mandeltort, Green Oaks
– “CSI: Woodfield.” Weekly show reveals the dark underbelly of a suburban shopping mall. The pilot features three vignettes: A uniformed security guard uses yellow tape to cordon off an orange soda spill in front of Sbarro’s; an undercover mall cop, in violation of the department’s no-pursuit policy, embarks on a foot chase of a teen who lifted a Blink 182 CD and a copy of Maxim from Sam Goody; and a fleet of mall-police cruisers (or “golf carts” as they’re referred to by civilians) sweeps the west parking lot in search of a blue Jeep Liberty for a woman who couldn’t remember where she parked.
– “Beer Factor.” An import from Germany where it was originally titled “Survivor: Milwaukee,” Old World Brewmeisters face their greatest fear: being stranded in a foreign land with only watery American beer to drink.
– “The Mole.” Cameras follow 12 patients along their weekly visit to a Logan Square dermatologist. One by one their malady is dismissed as a harmless birthmark except for one. Whose mole will be diagnosed as a melanoma?
–Chris Miksanek, Rochester, Minn.
This show combines the redesign of “Trading Spaces” with the confrontation of cheating partners on “Cheaters.” The show could be called “Cheating Spaces” or “Trading Spouses.” The couples would both be cheating on the other and they would use the time to confront their spouse and fix the others’ room (after it’s destroyed during the confrontation, of course), all on the same show.
–Cathleen Murphy, Santa Barbara, Calif.
– “Bumper 2 Bumper.” Follow the exploits of Joe Commuter as he spends four exciting hours on the Eisenhower every day.
– “My So-Called Wife.” Eleven rabid football fans are given substitute wives during January. The first fan to discover the switch wins a six-pack and chips.
–Tom Nee, Oak Lawn
– “American Idle,” wherein contestants vie to gain the most weight by doing nothing except watch reality TV.
–Tim Osgood, Chicago
– “Take This Job, Please!” Eight human-resources consultants are locked in a hotel conference room with phones and laptops. Their challenge will be to find candidates for difficult jobs. The stakes go up each week as the jobs get tougher to fill and the number of available job seekers goes down.
Week 1: Hairstylist for Matt Lauer.
Week 2: Anger management coach for Bob Knight of Indiana fame.
Week 3: Publicist for the Town of Cicero.
Final week: Housekeeper for the Osbournes; background in behavioral modification a plus.
Watch contestants erase competitors’ databases, lie about benefit packages and promise phony signing bonuses. The winner gets a spot on the next “Survivor” show.
–Julie Paradise, Chicago
– “Preschool Reunion.” How about a bunch of 3- and 4-year-olds living together in a toy-filled paradise for a week. The alcohol buzz normally found on reality shows will be replaced by sugar highs from the all-you-can-eat cookies, candy and juice available. And of course, there will be a timeout room for the kids to tattle to the cameras about their playmates. Talk about unscripted drama . . . power struggles, tantrums, major sharing issues (sounds kind of like the same maturity level of the adult reality shows).
–Sarah Upchurch, Rockford
– “Survivor: HMO.” Enroll the CEOs of the top 10 health care companies in their own HMO and see who survives the longest. Disenrollment is not an option!
–Lance Wallace, Frankfort
We’re sending handheld massagers to the above readers. We’re also sending one to Laura Markun of Plainfield, the mother of Hannah, Sarah and Emma, all 2 1/2. Her “Triplet House of Terror” almost made the cut–and it certainly earned our sympathy votes!
Thanks to all who entered.
