Best zingers from late night Wednesday
DAVID LETTERMAN
The Top 10 ways California would be different if Gary Coleman had been elected (as read by Coleman himself):
10. Pretty much same as Schwarzenegger, but less body oil.
9. Three words: Lieutenant Governor Urkel.
8. Thanks to my innocent charm, I’d get away with 60 percent more groping.
7. I guess I’d have to quit my job as a security guard.
6. You may not agree with me, but at least you could understand me.
5. Inaugural address would have a laugh track.
4. Television viewers wouldn’t know if they were watching C-SPAN or Nick At Nite.
3. Wouldn’t have to worry about me having to take time off to do movies.
2. I would form a task force to find out exactly what Willis was talking about.
1. Well, unlike Schwarzenegger, I would admit I’m not qualified.
CONAN O’BRIEN
“During his acceptance speech last night, Arnold said: “I will not let you down.’ Unfortunately, at the time Arnold was holding a woman over his head and looking up her dress.”
CRAIG KILBORN
“Well, well, well, the people of California have spoken, and we said, we’re all on drugs.”
