MATCHUP: at Tennessee 38 Houston 17
WHIZZER SAID: I wrote “Titans (-10).” I meant 20.
DRIVE-THROUGH: Titans keep on rocking in the free world.
BUFFET-STYLE: David Carr’s 3 INTs didn’t help Houston’s cause. Derrick Mason’s 3 TDs hit the spot for Tennessee.
THE HOSTESS WILL SEAT YOU: Another near-perfect performance from Steve McNair (421 yards, 3 TDs). My MVP vote’s already in the mail.
MATCHUP: at Dallas 23 Philadelphia 21
WHIZZER SAID: ‘Boys in a pick ’em. Pick this.
DRIVE-THROUGH: If it wasn’t for Carolina, we’d all be singing Tuna’s praises.
BUFFET-STYLE: Come to think of it, I don’t care much for Tuna, but I’m OK with the fact that the Cowboys are 4-1 for the first time since 1995.
THE HOSTESS WILL SEAT YOU: Eagles put themselves behind the eight ball from the first play with a botched onside kick, Cowboys knocked ’em into the side pocket with a late fumble recovery.
MATCHUP: Carolina 23 at Indianapolis 20 (OT)
WHIZZER SAID: Panthers (+5).
And yet, I hate cats.
DRIVE-THROUGH: Hard to call Panthers a fluke when they’re beating undefeated teams on the road.
BUFFET-STYLE: Peyton Manning led another late comeback against another staunch defense. I’m stealing him for my fantasy team.
THE HOSTESS WILL SEAT YOU: Carolina won it without leading rusher Stephen Davis, who went down with a bruised arm just before crunch time. Backup DeShaun Foster helped set up John Kasay’s game-winning field goal.
MATCHUP: Miami 24 at Jacksonville 10
WHIZZER SAID: Dolphins (-3).
At least Florida has one winner.
DRIVE-THROUGH: Miami may have the defense to avoid another second-half collapse.
BUFFET-STYLE: Byron Leftwich (3 INTs) still has a lot to learn. Then again, at least he didn’t chop himself with an axe.
THE HOSTESS WILL SEAT YOU: Miami’s last two scores came on a fumble to tight end Randy McMichael and an interception return. Oh, those hapless Jags.
MATCHUP: Tampa Bay 35 at Washington 13
WHIZZER SAID: Redskins (off the board). And off my Xmas list.
DRIVE-THROUGH: Consider last Monday’s loss to Indianapolis avenged.
BUFFET-STYLE: The Skins committed nine penalties, most of them false starts, to pad their league-leading total. No more espresso before games.
THE HOSTESS WILL SEAT YOU: Simeon Rice and Warren Sapp combined for six sacks, and Derrick Brooks returned an interception 44 yards for a score. Memo to LaVar Arrington: Don’t talk trash unless you’re playing the Chargers.
MATCHUP: at Cleveland 13 Oakland 7
WHIZZER SAID: Browns gave 3 but get my eternal love.
DRIVE-THROUGH: Just call Raiders the Silver and Black and Blue.
BUFFET-STYLE: Phil Dawson set up the go-ahead TD with a 14-yard run. Yes, he’s the kicker.
THE HOSTESS WILL SEAT YOU: Is anything worse than the Raiders’ defense? Besides their running game (90 yards).
MATCHUP: at N. England 17 N.Y. Giants 6
WHIZZER SAID: Did I say Pats (-3)? Yes. Yes I did.
DRIVE-THROUGH: If there’s a grittier team than the Pats, page me.
BUFFET-STYLE: Whose head do New York fans want more, that of Pedro Martinez or Kerry Collins (9 INTs)?
THE HOSTESS WILL SEAT YOU: Rain. Turnovers. Low score. I’ve had dog food that was less sloppy than this game. You know, the kind with gravy.
MATCHUP: at N.Y. Jets 30 Buffalo 3
WHIZZER SAID: Bills (-2 1/2). Now Herm Edwards glare is burning into my cerebellum.
DRIVE-THROUGH: Never underestimate an AFC East matchup.
BUFFET-STYLE: Vinny, vidi, vici! Testaverde came, saw, and found Anthony Becht (twice) and Santana Moss for TDs.
THE HOSTESS WILL SEAT YOU: For the Bills, this is called running into a buzzsaw, although why anyone would want to do that is beyond me. Maybe it has something to do with Eric Moulds sitting out and Buffalo converting only five of 15 third downs.
MATCHUP: Kansas City 40 at Green Bay 34 (OT)
WHIZZER SAID: Packers (-1 1/2) can’t pull it off. For shame.
DRIVE-THROUGH: Both offenses running at their peak. Great game.
BUFFET-STYLE: Were it not for the Pack’s punter, Dante Hall would’ve scored on another kick return. See? Punters are good for something.
THE HOSTESS WILL SEAT YOU: One play after Green Bay blocks a Chiefs field goal attempt, Ahman Green fumbles it back to them. A firm slap across the nose with a newspaper should fix that problem right quick.
MATCHUP: Baltimore 26 at Arizona 18
WHIZZER SAID: Ravens (-5 1/2) are just all-round gamier birds than Cardinals.
DRIVE-THROUGH: Marcel Shipp not bad in Emmitt’s place (61 yards rushing; 47 yards receiving).
BUFFET-STYLE: How is Baltimore winning with Kyle Boller (75 yards passing)? Ah, Jamal Lewis (131 yards rushing).
THE HOSTESS WILL SEAT YOU: The Ravens couldn’t get much going on offense but can thank the Cards (punt blocked for a TD; Jeff Blake interception returned for a TD) for helping them out.
MATCHUP: at Denver 17 Pittsburgh 14
WHIZZER SAID: Broncos (off the board). I’ll take that, thank you.
DRIVE-THROUGH: Jake Plummer sidelined with aggravated shoulder injury.
BUFFET-STYLE: How’s that plan to use a well-rested Jerome Bettis working out? Fourteen carries for 34 yards (2.4 avg.). Uh huh.
THE HOSTESS WILL SEAT YOU: With Clinton Portis stumbling a bit (47 yards rushing), Rod Smith’s 96 all-purpose yards and a touchdown) carried the load, and it wasn’t even laundry day.
MATCHUP: at Seattle 20 San Fran 19
WHIZZER SAID: 49ers do just enough to earn me a nice, fat victory cigar.
DRIVE-THROUGH: Niners done in by a missed extra point. Kickers will speak when spoken to.
BUFFET-STYLE: Signs San Fran is in trouble: Terrell Owens has the dropsies. So does Garrison Hearst. Jeff Garcia’s playing with 15 injuries.
THE HOSTESS WILL SEAT YOU: If the Falcons knock off the Rams Monday, ‘Hawks will have a stranglehold on the division, which I believe is a misdemeanor. Let’s hope they’ve got good lawyers. They’ve got a good QB (Hasslebeck: 207 yards passing, TD).
