Enough already about the imperfections, injustices and impurities in college football.
True, the Bowl Championship Series system is unfair, but what in sports isn’t?
Look at baseball. Until last week, Anaheim was supposed to be a small market and Chicago a large market. Then the Angels started stealing pitchers from the White Sox. When did Anaheim and Chicago trade populations?
Besides, for all its flaws, the BCS is a computer virus that generates gobs of free publicity the likes of which cost millions of dollars. This is similar to Abercrombie&Fitch, an outfit that sells clothes to young boys and girls. So what do they do? They publish a controversial catalogue featuring pictures of young boys and girls wearing no clothes. Brilliant.
Granted, with the addition of just one game, the BCS could produce a true national champion. After LSU plays Oklahoma in the Sugar Bowl and USC battles Michigan in the Rose Bowl, the two victors could meet in a winner-take-all bowl, say, on the final weekend of January, between the NFL conference championships and the Super Bowl.
The argument against such a happening is that it would tear those scholarly athlete-students away from their academic pursuits, ho, ho.
But such a tilt would be a bonanza, made for prime-time TV, wherever it were played. You could play it in a warm-weather neutral site, like Phoenix. You could play it in a Snow Belt venue with a domed stadium, like Minneapolis.
Or you could really rough it and play it outdoors on the frozen tundra in a city that doesn’t have pro football, like Chicago. (I flew over the new Soldier Field in a plane the other day, and the shape of the thing makes you want to flush it.)
If you don’t dare impose further anxiety on the hired hands who make fortunes for their institutions of higher earning by playing gratis, or if the mythical playoff bowl somehow ended in a tie, you could solve the dilemma of identifying who’s No. 1 by staging the mother of all contests that would foster another year’s worth of conversation.
A spelling bee.
Talk about stressing out those 400-pound linemen who couldn’t find their campus library with a map, a compass and a bloodhound. Gather participating teams in a room–if it’s the Michigan Wolverines, their players might demand courtesy cars and appearance fees–but no matter. Whatever it takes.
Then start out big, by asking the lads to spell b-o-o-k. If they nail it, then ask: Where do you find the word you just spelled? If a guy answers “bookstore,” give him a cookie. If he answers “bookmaker,” you cuff him and keep him overnight for further questioning.
I say this is an improvement over having coaches cast ballots after the existing bowl games. That’s the current policy, and the most intriguing part about it is that the votes are tabulated by USA Today, America’s conscience. That’s why they don’t publish a newspaper on weekends. They’re too busy counting.
It would be easy to say that if Myles Brand were still alive and running the NCAA, he would fix this mess. Except this is one mess the NCAA didn’t make. Besides, when last heard from, Brand said he’s a fan of the BCS. Why, he mused, do we need a clear-cut national champion anyway?
Bingo.
For once, we agree with Brand. Some people demand it, but a majority of the public prefers to stew about the situation.
What’s wrong with a little confusion? After all, a few of these prospects in the NFL’s free farm system are going to wind up as Bears. Might as well get ready.
