Everything gets judged on results, right?
You can be a nice guy with smarts, but if you lose today, you’re fired. Example: Jim Fassel.
You can have a healthy dose of nastiness, but if you win, you’re celebrated. Example: Bill Parcells.
Of course, the best combo is to be a friendly fellow who gets results. Example: Richard Simmons.
So does firing Dick Jauron, head architect of some painful NFL campaigns, make the Chicago Bears a better football team? Maybe.
Does throwing millions of dollars at a hot college coach turn the Bears around? It could and it couldn’t.
Does combing through the list of names of “bright NFL assistants” send the Bears into the playoffs next year? I don’t know and you don’t either.
Here’s a truth: Nobody wins all the time. Here’s an idea: Fire the coach after every game. Hire a gaggle of play-callers and have one start the season. When he (or she) falters, knock them down to secondary coach and bump the defensive coordinator up to Head Engineer.
Under this system, fans get to hang a coach in effigy, management gets to throw more “brand-new day” news conferences, and young coaches get groomed.
Sometimes this is just too easy.
IT COUNTS: If you’re going to anonymously rip an NFL coach on an Internet message board, have the sense to spell his name right.
HOT TIP: If the Bears do hit the market for a new head football coach, there is this real up-and-comer down in Arizona named Dave McGinnis.
TIME MARCHES: Besides the Bears, there are 31 teams in the NFL; 17 have been to the Super Bowl since the Bears last appeared there: Giants, Broncos, Redskins, 49ers, Bengals, Bills, Cowboys, Chargers, Steelers, Patriots, Packers, Falcons, Titans, Rams, Ravens, Bucs, Raiders. So just 14 to go then.
TOUGH JOB: Ex-Bears QB Jim Harbaugh is the new football coach at the University of San Diego, but one slip-up and the school hands the reins over to Peter Tom Willis.
LIFE & TIMES: Ever hear of Mikki Moore? Moore is a “journeyman,” and journeymen make sports fascinating.
Undrafted out of Nebraska, the 7-footer signed with the Timberwolves and was waived a month later. After two CBA seasons and one in Greece, he signed with the Timberwolves again and was waived a month later.
He signed with the Pistons. He was waived two weeks later. He signed with the Pistons again, got waived again. He signed with the Spurs, got waived, signed for 10 days with the Celtics, signed another 10 days with the Hawks, then he signed with the Supersonics before playing in the bright lights of the NBDL’s Roanoke Dazzle.
Tuesday night he suits up against your Chicago Bulls as the center for the New Jersey Nets.
THEN AGAIN: The 42-year old Dennis Rodman signed to play with the Long Beach Jam.
The Long Beach Jam is in the American Basketball Association.
The American Basketball Association also has teams in Las Vegas and Tijuana.
Now it all makes sense.
MARCH ON: Take Boise State over TCU in the Ft. Worth Bowl. When the Broncos take the field at Amon G. Carter Stadium, they’ll be looking to teach the Horned Frogs a lesson about . . . oh, who in the hell cares? That’ll be four bowl games down, 24 to go.
NO TAKERS: The Orioles signed free-agent catcher Javy Lopez. What’s Ivan Rodriguez going to do? I mean besides take his four-year, $40 million wish and stuff it down the trash compactor.
SIGN HERE: Please join the rest of us in congratulating Pavel Nedved of Juventus, who won the Golden Ball award as Europe’s best soccer player. The New Orleans Saints would like a moment of your time, sir.
THE TRANSLATOR
They say it there, it comes out here . . .
“This potential trade is very complicated and involves multiple parties . . . From the Texas Rangers’ perspective, we need finality so we can proceed with our offseason plans.”
–Tom Hicks
Texas Rangers owner in an e-mail to The Associated Press concerning the not-quite-dead-yet trade of millionaire shortstop Alex Rodriguez
The translation: “If the trade for A-Rod falls through, how awkward will spring training be? Now I have to figure out how to trade the other 24 guys on the roster.”
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ccmalcolm@tribune.com
