Dear Harriette: For years I have tried to make a New Year’s resolution that I could actually follow. Rarely has it worked out. This year my friends and I decided to make resolutions and tell each other so that we can support one another throughout the year. Even as I have agreed to do this, I feel like a failure. Why can’t I get it together to commit to doing one thing consistently?
— Barbara, Dallas, Texas
Barbara: Like many other people, you probably decide on forming a New Year’s resolution at the very last minute, without taking time out to contemplate what’s important in your life and how you truly want to direct your steps moving forward. Making a flash choice, even with the aid of friends, doesn’t sign you up for success. Your inner desire and commitment are what will see you through.
Rather than beating yourself up, take time now to examine your life. What do you appreciate about the choices you have made thus far? Which areas need improvement? Break down those areas into manageable topics that you can address one by one. Select something that you believe you can do for yourself to improve your life — and that you want to do. It could be to exercise a few minutes each day (rather than to lose 20 pounds in three months), or to call your folks once a month (rather than to be in touch more often, which is too vague). Use your buddy system as encouragement to propel you toward reaching realistic goals. When you have accomplished your resolution, make a new one with a time limit that makes it easier to attain. Keep a journal of your progress. This will also help you to stay the course.
Dear Harriette: On New Year’s Day my family has followed the tradition of having a man be the first one to enter our home — as a sign of good luck. We used to do this with our next-door neighbors. Both husbands would cross the street to bring good luck and blessings early in the morning. Now both husbands are gone. What can we, the children, do to bring the widows joy now that this has become a time when they miss their spouses even more?
— Wanda, Atlanta, Ga.
Wanda: People have so many interesting traditions that they follow with the intention of invoking grace. You can resume your parent’s tradition by inviting another trusting man to step into the shoes of the deceased. If one of the children in your family is married, invite him to go to both homes to do the honors. Otherwise, recruit an old family friend or neighbor to take over. He can arrive bearing a small gift and offering his good cheer for the start of a wonderful year.
Or start a new tradition. What about inviting both widows and a few other loved ones to a New Year’s brunch? And the younger folks — like you — can be responsible for designing the menu.
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(Harriette Cole is the co-author of the new book, “Coming Together: Celebrations for African-American Families” (Jump at the Sun/Hyperion Books for Children). You can send questions to askharrietteharriettecole.com or c/o United Feature Syndicate, 200 Madison Ave., New York, N.Y. 10016.)
