If looking on the bright side doesn’t come naturally to you, and if other people’s frequent suggestions that you do so only make things worse, you’ll be happy to know that psychologists Karen Reivich and Andrew Shatte understand.
In “The Resilience Factor” (Broadway Books, $14.95), the authors say it’s accurate thinking, not positive thinking, that will get you through life’s tight spots. And while we’ll never get the world to stop delivering nasty surprises, we can change our response to them, Reivich and Shatte say.
They have identified seven skills people can develop to increase personal resilience. They start with helping people better understand how their minds work–why Driver A might respond to a traffic snarl by screaming, Driver B by eating chocolate. They move through common “thinking traps” (jumping to conclusions, personalizing, etc.) and on to “icebergs,” or underlying beliefs (“getting emotional is a sign of weakness”) that can trip a person up. The authors end with suggestions on how to change self-defeating habits.
On feeling first things first: “Anger and sadness are considered basic emotions; even very young children experience them. The development of guilt, however, takes time.”
