It’s that time of year again when the Recording Academy gives out awards.
It’s time for us to give out ours too.
Honorary Joan Rivers Awkward Moment Award: The perennially facially taut E! Channel host announced her love for Mercedes Benz cars and added, “I don’t care that the Nazis made it.” And to think Rivers used to sub for Johnny Carson on “The Tonight Show.”
“The Joke’s on You, People” Trophy: Eugene Levy, Michael McKean and Christopher Guest won best song written for a movie for writing “A Mighty Wind” for the movie of the same name. Levy’s stunned response: “This is really a shock. The songs aren’t real.”
Biggest Red-Carpet White Lie of the Night: Carmen Electra and husband Dave Navarro said they met on a blind date. Really now, how does that work? “Dave, I have someone you have to meet. Her name is Carmen, and she’s a model who was on this TV show called ‘Baywatch.’ “
Oldest Combined Age in a Photo Featuring Two Guys Up Past Their Bedtime: Tony Bennett and Billy Bob Thornton.
Most Responsible for Any Staples Center Roof Damage: It’s a tie. The White Stripes’ bold live performance no doubt loosened a few fillings of anyone in the first 50 rows. George Clinton and friends took care of the dental work in the rest of the arena.
Strongest Words of Caution: After opening the envelope for Best Male Pop Vocal Performance but before announcing Justin Timberlake had won, presenter Jakob Dylan told the crowd, “Behave.”
First Visible Test of the Five-Minute Delay: Christina Aguilera, who had to readjust her dress after winning best female pop vocal performance. She added, “I don’t want to have the same thing happen that Janet had done.”
Number of On-Air Janet Jackson Incident references: Just four. In addition to Aguilera’s nod, Queen Latifah mentioned the controversy, Timberlake apologized for the incident, and Patti Labelle mentioned Jackson in a tribute to Luther Vandross.
Most Touching Moment: While being honored on the 40th anniversary of The Beatles’ performance on “The Ed Sullivan Show,” John Lennon’s widow Yoko Ono Lennon said if John was alive today, he would say, “Come together. Give peace a chance. And love is all we need.”
Least Touching Moment: The audio failed when Celine Dion came out to sing a Vandross song, and TV viewers heard a voice ask desperately, “Production 3, should I take it up?”
Weakest Banter: Actor Sean Astin told us this was his first time at the Grammys, then he asked co-presenter and last year’s five-time winner Norah Jones if she’s ever been to the Grammys.
Swiftest Fly-By: When Evanescence took the stage from the left after winning best new artist, nominee 50 Cent walked across the stage from the right to apparently thank them on his way back to his seat.
Least Curious Omission from the Televised Awards Show: Jimmy Sturr winning best polka album for “Let’s Polka ‘Round.”
