As a bitter and perhaps jealous White Sox fan at Tribune Tower, I am surrounded by all things Cub.
Unfortunately, the Cubs’ signing of future Hall of Fame pitcher Greg Maddux has only inflamed the Cubmaniacs.
Many colleagues are Cubs fans, including George, who edits the column and thinks I put the mati, or evil eye, on them, since I attended two games at Wrigley Field last year and the Cubs were humiliated each time.
In the first, the White Sox won in a laugher. And the other game? That was the famous Bartman game.
Jinx? What jinx?
To be a Sox fan in Cub Nation, you must attain the proper emotional distance. It’s the only way to deal with the Cubmaniacs, who have been pushed beyond their fragile limits with the Maddux signing.
The glee, the dancing, the hopping up and down, the excited clapping, the “Woooo-eee-aaahh!” sound.
And over latte all you hear is Cubbies this and Cubbies that and “Pass the biscotti, and do you think we’ll win 160 games this year or only 159?”
Indeed, baseball historians will marvel at what was the perfect season. An early recap of your 2004 Cubbies:
The Cubs lost only 6 times in the regular season of 2004, compiling a fine record of 156-6. Then they whipped the Houston Astros and won the National League pennant, breaking almost a century of North Side pain.
Finally, the Cubs went on to sweep the hated Yankees in the 2004 World Series.
Every World Series victory by the Cubs was almost perfect. Kerry Wood struck out 27 straight but walked one. Mark Prior struck out 27 straight, yet there was a dropped third strike and the batter took first.
In the third game, Maddux struck out only 3, but got the other 24 outs on one-pitch ground balls to the second baseman, with pitches thrown perfectly on the outside edge of the plate. He threw 33 pitches.
Then Wood struck out 20 and hit two home runs in Game 4. The mighty Yankees were so humiliated that owner George Steinbrenner fired his entire team.
What puzzled many observers was how the Cubs’ power pitchers learned finesse pitching. The answer was Maddux mind control.
“The first day we reported to spring training, Maddux just touched my forehead with the ball in his hand,” said Wood, “and I, like, knew how to do it.”
Early on, back in late February of 2004, there were some troubling questions about the ballclub and Sosa’s relationships with the pitchers.
The big issue is always Sammy Sosa. And the big issue was that Sammy wasn’t so big.
He showed up for spring training weighing only about 185 pounds. His uniform had to be taken in by expert tailors. Since Sammy’s muscles were noticeably smaller, there were fears that he wouldn’t be strong enough to hit his usual 60 or so home runs.
He didn’t.
But he worked hard to lose his once ponderously heavy muscles, in order to become more limber and lithe in the outfield.
He also worked hard to build relationships with his teammates, including having his personal valet pass out earplugs–hand carved out of expensive Spanish cork–to the other players, before he cranked up his loud music on his powerful locker room boom box.
“TELL SAMMY THANKS FOR THE EARPLUGS,” the pitchers told Sammy’s valet. “THEY FIT JUST FINE!”
Once again, Sammy tried to throw runners out at home, though he didn’t have a chance of nailing them.
This Sosian habit unfortunately allows other runners into scoring position in the late innings of close ballgames, but the starting pitchers weren’t upset.
“That’s OK. Don’t worry, Sammy,” said Wood. “Just play that boom box loud in the clubhouse, dude. This is your team, remember. You’re the man.”
“Just keep heaving those high throws to home with runners on, and we’ll just strike out the side,” said Prior. “It’s cool.”
The season was a thing of glory, best played in slow-motion on TV sports specials with the soundtrack of “The Natural” cranked up loud.
Woooo-eeee!
The beer was extremely tasty. The fans, denied so long, were naturally enthusiastic.
A century of North Side heartache was ended, even for those who weren’t born in Illinois and didn’t care about baseball until July, and still wouldn’t care, except that “Sex and the City” was over and they needed something to fill those empty hours.
The Maddux signing proved that the Cubs didn’t even have to play a game. They even won the World Series, in February.
Cubs win! Cubs win!
Believe me, White Sox fans are happy too. Envy has not entered our minds.
Jinx? What jinx?
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jskass@tribune.com
