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Kirsten Dunst chose the sheer aqua gown she wears on the cover of Vanity Fair’s “New Young Hollywood” March issue–and that was a big deal.

There she is –between Salma Hayek and Diane Lane –thigh half-bared, with a come-hither look and bee-stung magenta lips.

“The reason we’re on the cover is that we’re women who make the decisions and try to do interesting, thought-provoking things. But then [the magazine] picks out the dress for you to pose in! It’s like an oxymoron. I didn’t like the one they picked, so I picked my own,” says Dunst, who only sounds like she’s sounding off.

It’s simply the former child star asserting her independence. At 21–22 on April 30–she’s quite grown up, with a Los Angeles house of her own, a hunky boyfriend–Jake Gyllenhaal–and roles that are starting to reveal the far reaches of her talent.

At 10, Dunst scored a Golden Globe nod for playing a woman trapped in a child’s body in “Interview with the Vampire,” in which she was famously kissed by then-28-year-old Brad Pitt. Some 40 movies later, Dunst again made waves with a kiss–this time smooching an upside-down Tobey Maguire in 2002’s “Spider-Man” as the flame-haired Mary Jane Watson.

Now the natural blond is a pushy secretary with a secret past in “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.” Jim Carrey stars as a nowhere-guy who falls for a scattered gal (Kate Winslet). When they split, he goes to a new-tech doctor (Tom Wilkinson) to have memories of their relationship wiped from his gray matter. Dunst assists the doc; and Mark Ruffalo and Elijah Wood are part of the super-strange team that performs brain damage.

The actress, who, in September stars as a tennis pro with Paul Bettany in the romantic comedy “Wimbledon,” is segueing into adulthood.

“It brings more complications,” she says. “I have amazing things going on right now. But it’s been a tough period lately with family. … After being in this business my whole life, now it’s finally what Iwant, my decisions. It’s, like, nobody is ruling over me anymore. So everybody has kind of a hard time with that too.”

In fact, making the break from family–her folks are divorced–has been Dunst’s biggest challenge. Mom and Dad apparently are having trouble letting go.

Dunst is speaking by phone from a Los Angeles hotel, where Gyllenhaal is fielding media interviews. Dunst is just “hanging out.” The two had met earlier but never dated before they finally got together during the “Mona Lisa Smile” shoot via co-star Maggie Gyllenhaal, Jake’s sister.

A couple now for 18 months, they’re often apart, each making movies on location.

“Relationships are complicated. It’s hard. But if you really love somebody, then you work at it,” says the actress, firing back, however, that marriage isn’t even in the offing. “I’m 21. I’m just enjoying what I have, and that’s it.”

On screen steadily from tot to twentysomething, Dunst never suffered through a career-marring awkward-looking stage. “I’ve had zits, for sure,” she says, adding, “I made some bad movies.”

Still, she’s proud of her job in “Eternal Sunshine,” filmed early last year. “Charlie Kaufman writes real women–not like the Hollywood version of what certain writers want to make women into,” she says. “This felt real and made sense to me.”

“I don’t want to be cute. I don’t want to be glamorous. I just want to be. That’s all.”

Red, red wig

On July 2, Dunst returns to the fantasy world with the sequel, “Spider-Man 2.” Mary Jane is now an actress in New York. “Everybody is growing up around Peter Parker except him. He’s still in this juvenile head-space. He’s completely dismissed our relationship. I’m moving on and getting married,” explains Dunst, adding that this time, her red hair is “more beautiful. Now that the first movie made so much money, I could indulge in having the best wig.”

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Edited by Cara DiPasquale (cdipasquale@tribune.com) and Victoria Rodriguez (vrodriguez@tribune.com)