Much as I wish it weren’t so, conservative Rush Limbaugh is a better radio talk show host than his new competitor, liberal Al Franken.
Since Franken’s program debuted March 31 on the first day for the fledgling left-wing network Air America, the two syndicated adversaries have been going head-to-head from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. every weekday in Chicago– Limbaugh on 50,000-watt super-station WLS-AM 890; Franken on 5,000-watt micro-station WNTD-AM 950 (until the end of the month, when his program will have to find another local outlet).
Franken, the author, comedian and actor on whose shoulders the hopes of Air America rest, has clearly studied current events and displays a strong command of issues. But he has clearly not studied the art of talk radio as Limbaugh so successfully practices it.
Based on years of monitoring Limbaugh off and on and two days in particular last week when I compared full tapes of both broadcasts on the same day, I’ve written for Franken 8 Simple Rules for Beating Rush Limbaugh at His Own Game:
1. Use a shotgun, not a pea-shooter. Limbaugh relentlessly attacks liberals and liberalism in broad and condescending terms. Yes, he goes after individual lefties–particularly John Kerry–but always in the context of an overall contempt for liberal philosophy.
You, in contrast, aim only at specific policies, acts and expressions with which you disagree, which is not nearly as effective in riling up the blood.
2. Aim higher. You make frequent mocking references to conservative media pundits–the daily segment in which you critique a Limbaugh sound bite with counterpoint provided by a Limbaugh fan, for instance–and even the name of your program, “The O’Franken Factor,” is a dig (at Fox News Channel’s Bill O’Reilly).
But Limbaugh goes after the players, not the critics. I heard him make only one glancing allusion in six hours last week to Air America.
3. Don’t debate those who disagree with you. Limbaugh puts callers (never experts) on the air who are critical of him, but rather than engage them in extended, equal-time conversation, he usually uses their remarks as a springboard for thunderous and cocksure monologues that become the last word.
4. Cut way back on guests. You’ve been giving air time to a steady lineup of writers, activists and pols, but it’s locked you in and slowed things down. When Limbaugh wants to introduce new information, he either reads the pithiest excerpts from others’ work or plays quick sound bites that he can riff on. This keeps his program snappy and nimble and keeps the focus on his star quality.
5. Dump your co-host. Another reason for Limbaugh’s success is that he understands the power of radio intimacy and speaks directly to his listeners for extended portions of his show. You, meanwhile, too often speak to or through your bland sidekick Katherine Lanpher.
6. Avoid nuance. Energize your base by reassuring them that you are always right, no matter how absurd the proposition. Listen to Limbaugh on Earth Day: “We are (environmentally) cleaner today! We are living longer! We’ve got clearer air! We’ve got cleaner water! And we haven’t done it by following the guidelines of the environmental movement! We’ve done it by doing just the opposite!” That’s how it’s done, Al.
7. Think news, not issues. In part because of your over-reliance on guests, you frequently get bogged down chattering about generic topics–hog waste and the perils of electronic voting machines last week, for instance–instead of whatever’s in the day’s headlines.
Limbaugh, though, has a ready supply of hot buttons culled from recent TV, newspaper and magazine offerings, so he covers more topics with more urgency and relevance than you do.
8. Make `em laugh. Limbaugh isn’t particularly witty, but his ear for excellent satire produced by others and his gift for imitative mockery has given him a reputation as a great entertainer.
You are particularly witty. Your pre-recorded satire has been brilliant, though not frequent enough, and your skill with voices exceeds Limbaugh’s. But instead of generic impressions, follow Limbaugh’s lead and do exaggerated imitations of the opposition’s leaders that make them sound ignorant.
Excellence in broadcasting? Even the left can do it right if they pay attention.
