An ad for vice president of the United States:
We are in search of an accomplished individual to support the president. International experience is a plus, having made power plays in smaller states, however, will suffice. This position will play a large role in governmental ways and means, as there is currently a 13-figure shortfall in the 2004 budget.
The ability to read people of all levels is a must and to understand the importance of a diverse workforce mandatory. The position involves extensive overnight travel, with outstanding accommodations. Communication skills are a must.
Requirements:
– Must be at least 35 years of age.
– Must have been born in the United States
– Must have been born or recently lived in the southern half of the U.S.
– Must have a desire to be president.
– Must have ability to take credit for uninvolved successes, i.e. the Internet.
– Must have a desire to attend funerals around the world.
Benefits:
– 24/7 security.
– Lifetime pension.
– $198,600 annual salary.
– Private air travel.
– Excellent health insurance.
– Hobnobbing with celebrities.
– Chauffeur service.
Please forward your resume and cover letter to the Democratic National Committee.
