I was fortunate to recently use the brand-new Apple iPod Time Travel Machine to visit the year 2016. I now share with you the surprising financial news that I discovered in the future:
– “Ninety-year-old Alan Greenspan was named to his eighth term as Federal Reserve chairman by President Arnold Schwarzenegger. Economists predict an economic recovery because Greenspan, who was cranky in his dealings with previous President Hillary Clinton, has added roughage to his diet.”
– “The U.S. budget deficit hit $100 trillion. The government took emergency action, signing an agreement that immediately returns to France the 800,000 square miles of U.S. land acquired in the 1803 Louisiana Purchase.”
– “Taking an idea from its movie properties, Time Warner announced that its previous 25 years of operation and all its accounting records were actually part of a dream sequence. That means that the company never merged with AOL, and federal auditors never came knocking.”
– “Congressional lawmakers approved a sweeping tax reform package to make taxes much simpler and more equitable for all Americans. It is 50,000 pages long. Celebratory rioting by accountants nationwide kept police busy throughout the night.”
– “Martha Stewart, an international fugitive since escaping house arrest in 2005, surrendered to authorities in Brazil. She came to the attention of the CIA after reports that a mysterious, shrewd and remarkably well-organized American woman had cornered the Latin American flower market.
