Dear Amy: I have not been very happy lately and I don’t know what’s wrong. I feel horrible all the time, and it feels like there is nothing I can do about it. It’s like the world is closing in on me and I’m suffocating, and there is nobody there to help me.
Everybody makes me mad. It’s gotten to a point where I can’t even have a conversation with my parents without getting extremely upset. The other day I threw my shoe through the wall because I was so mad.
I have started cutting myself because I feel that it is the only way I have to relieve the tremendous pressure I feel.
I can’t talk to my parents about this because they won’t understand, and they won’t help. They’ll just think I’m being mopey. I don’t know what to do, and it scares me. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. Please help me.
— Helpless
Dear Helpless: First of all, you’re not helpless, even though I can tell you feel that way right now.
Your folks might not understand your rage or sadness or why it might make you feel “better” in a weird way to injure yourself. But I bet they love you, so they’ll want to understand. Please go to the most sympathetic person in your life, tell him or her what is going on and say that you need help, because you do.
What you are going through is more than just normal adolescent stuff. “Cutting” is serious. Studies have shown that it can be progressive; people who “cut” tend to cut more and deeper unless they get help to deal with the stresses that drive them to hurt themselves.
Your school counselor should be a good resource for you, if for any reason you still don’t want to speak with your family about this. A book that will help all of you is “Cutting: Understanding and Overcoming Self-Mutilation,” by Steven Levenkron (1998, Norton).
Dear Amy: My elderly uncle has an estate of approximately $1 million, which includes the house he lives in. His late wife and he had no children so his heirs are my seven cousins and myself. While all eight of us love and respect our uncle, three of us are very actively involved in his life and, now that he is in failing health, in his care. The other five cousins are attentive when they see him and will call a few times throughout the year.
All of us live in the same town or bordering towns, so distance is not a factor.
Our uncle wants to leave the bulk of his estate to the three individuals who are always there for him. He plans to recognize the other five with a token of $25,000 each. He says that he is not punishing the ones who are too busy for him. Rather, he feels strongly that he wants to “reward” those who are always at his beck and call. I don’t think this is right, and I am afraid that the five relatives who will not share equally will be hurt and upset when the estate is settled.
May I have your opinion?
— One of Eight
Dear One: You know the phrase, “Of sound mind”?
If that phrase applies to your uncle, he is free to distribute his property and money in any way he sees fit. That includes not leaving anything to any of you, or everything to one of you.
Or some of it, even a tiny little fraction, to me.
I assume your uncle has legal help in making these decisions and drawing up his will. If he asks you how you feel about the arrangements, you should tell him that he must do whatever he wishes to do. If he doesn’t ask you, then all the better.
I’m sure your affection for your uncle is a reward into and of itself, and it would be good if you spent the time he has left enjoying his company rather than fussing over his assets.
Dear Amy: Last summer our neighborhood had its first block party, and I joined the planning group. I tried to fit in, but I found the ladies to be loud, somewhat rude, and the meetings seemed like excuses to get plastered.
When I went to the original planning meeting, I really wanted to contribute to make the gathering festive, but most of my ideas were shot down. The block party turned out to be a dud (due to rain), but the grown-ups did manage to set up tents to drink and schmooze until quite late.
I wasn’t invited to the planning of this year’s block party. So I’m wondering if I should brave it and go this year?
We do have some very kind neighbors, and I noticed they didn’t go to the block party last year.
— Confused in the Suburbs
Dear Confused: Can’t you take back the night?
I think you should contact the neighbors you like to see if you can all attend this event together. If the atmosphere is too rowdy for you, you might repair to your back yard for a barbecue and a game of croquet. (I’m not kidding about croquet, by the way. It is a really fun game.)
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Ask Amy appears Mondays through Fridays in Tempo, Saturdays in the Weekend section and Sundays in Q. Readers may send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611. Previous Ask Amy columns are available at Amy Dickinson’s Web site, Chicagotribune.com/amy.
