You don’t have a lot of time and, frankly, neither do we. So let’s get right to our panel of RedEye sports experts and let them speak:
PHIL THOMPSON
QUESTION 1: What one thing would you include to any Wrigley Field additions?
Carlos Beltran.
QUESTION 2: The Sox schedule sits below. What game do you most want to attend?
The Cubs at U.S. Cellular. Hint, hint, if any of my bosses are listening. I’m serious.
QUESTION 3: Steve Spurrier won’t coach Florida. Now what for The Visor Man?
Room with Bobby Bowden on his own reality TV show.
QUESTION 4: What do you serve at your Bulls season-opener party Friday?
No need. They’ll be getting served up before the party starts.
QUESTION 5: So, how does everybody think Maegan did this week?
Great, it’s been like having the “The O.C.” in our own back yard.
LEO EBERSOLE
QUESTION 1: What one thing would you include to any Wrigley Field additions?
Cell phones. What Wrigley needs is more fans talking on cell phones.
QUESTION 2: The Sox schedule sits below. What game do you most want to attend?
It’ll have to be before August. I like competitive baseball.
QUESTION 3: Steve Spurrier won’t coach Florida. Now what for The Visor Man?
Going back to Duke for a title run. As a basketball season ticket-holder.
QUESTION 4: What do you serve at your Bulls season-opener party Friday?
My world-famous Johnny Red Curry Chicken.
QUESTION 5: So, how does everybody think Maegan did this week?
We’re still waiting on the provisional ballots.
WHIZZER
QUESTION 1: What one thing would you include to any Wrigley Field additions?
Roaming massage therapists. That place is way too uptight.
QUESTION 2: The Sox schedule sits below. What game do you most want to attend?
July 21, World Series champs at Chicago. I’m feeling soxy, baby.
QUESTION 3: Steve Spurrier won’t coach Florida. Now what for The Visor Man?
He goes back to the ‘Skins; Joe Gibbs takes the Florida job.
QUESTION 4: What do you serve at your Bulls season-opener party Friday?
Milk and cookies, because Bag Boy’s lactose intolerant, and I love cookies.
QUESTION 5: So, how does everybody think Maegan did this week?
She brought civility to this motley crew. And bacon-flavored treats, let’s not forget those.
BAG BOY
QUESTION 1: What one thing would you include to any Wrigley Field additions?
Separate (and obstructed) seating for anyone who orders a Mai Tai.
QUESTION 2: The Sox schedule sits below. What game do you most want to attend?
Sadly, all of them. I know, I know. I need help.
QUESTION 3: Steve Spurrier won’t coach Florida. Now what for The Visor Man?
Please be offered the Packers and please take it. Please, please, please.
QUESTION 4: What do you serve at your Bulls season-opener party Friday?
I serve notice: If they miss the playoffs, I burn my black Kukoc No. 7 replica jersey.
QUESTION 5: So, how does everybody think Maegan did this week?
It was nice of her to–wait! Has she been doing the two-finger thing all week?
MAEGAN CARBERRY
QUESTION 1: What one thing would you include to any Wrigley Field additions?
Yuppie-screening machines at the entrances.
QUESTION 2: The Sox schedule sits below. What game do you most want to attend?
The one that gets rained out.
QUESTION 3: Steve Spurrier won’t coach Florida. Now what for The Visor Man?
Zealous backwoods parents pony up millions for him to coach their kids’ high school team.
QUESTION 4: What do you serve at your Bulls season-opener party Friday?
Cheese and whine.
QUESTION 5: So, how does everybody think Maegan did this week?
I’ll miss the pooch. See the rest of you suckers later.
