As RedEye’s resident NFL expert, Bag Boy (pictured wearing a brown bag from Jewel, throwback Bears Jersey and grey undershirt) took it upon himself to chime in on the fashions statements–and misstatements–from this weekend’s Super activities.
Let the shame begin.
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BACK IN BLACK: Wearing all black is always cool. Just ask Wesley Snipes. Throw in the fact that
Terrell Owens has added a nice touch with receiver’s gloves, and I say he looks smashing. Now, he’d look a lot better in a Bears uniform.
RED ALL OVER: Someone once said that a bustier is called a bustier because it “boosts” your “yays.” Diane Hill of Maxim magazine looks like she’s ready for a night on the town. Sadly, she was frozen in this position for most of the night.
RICHIE & FAMOUS: Nicole Richie showed up at the Maxim party with a sharp-looking blouse, very fashionable pants and a matching bag. This works … if it’s New York Fashion Week! No face-painting? No inflatable football helmet? Live a little.
LOOKING PRESIDENTIAL! Forget for the moment that these are the most powerful men in the stadium. President Bush’s dark suit offers a nice contrast to those rascal referees. And yes, stripes are always slimming. But come on, it’s Florida. Break out the white patent leather loafers.
BURRITO HEADS: I have two reactions to these outfits. First, I’m very hungry. Second, you’re in Jacksonville, not New Orleans. Wearing big colored beads anywhere other than Bourbon Street makes you a loser. No, really. Take them off. And please, don’t show me your zits.
FLEX APPEAL: It’s been a long time since this Patriots fan had to wear a bag on his head. But after seeing this pumped-up Pats backer, I might suggest one.
And make it paper, not plastic.
BIG FELLA: The Eagles’ Hollis Thomas makes his 300-plus pounds look like 600-plus pounds. Tight shirt over tighter undershirt with baggy shorts and knee socks–right out of 1975? Shameful.
GET HORNY: You know me. I love to accessorize.
This fellow not only took his time with his face-painting but
also balanced out the colors with horns. Let’s hope those are stuck on and not screwed on.
Screw-ons hurt. Trust me.
