If you attended the Oscars on Sunday, you wore a fantastic tuxedo or an expensive designer gown. If you’re reading this recap of the ceremony on Monday, you still look absolutely amazing. Let’s review.
Talk about irony. While Joan Rivers warmed up on the TV Guide Channel, the Discovery Health Channel aired “Plastic Surgery: Before and After.”
Upon seeing Leo DiCaprio, Rivers said she once dated Howard Hughes. Her face didn’t move, so it was hard to tell if she was joking.
On this night of nights, E! host Star Jones Reynolds’ microphone was covered in pearls, TV Guide’s Melissa Rivers’ microphone was covered in diamonds and the streets of Hollywood were covered by S.W.A.T.
In a tribute to silent film, monstrous audio glitches cut ABC’s pre-show microphones on and off. But Oscars host Chris Rock proved his was working when he opened with, “Sit your asses down.”
Rock reminded studios to wait for better talent instead of rushing bad movies to the public. “Clint Eastwood is a star.” Rock said. “Tobey Maguire is just a boy in tights.” Full disclosure: Rock was in “Beverly Hills Ninja” and “Sgt. Bilko.”
Morgan Freeman’s best supporting actor victory makes him the first former cast member of “The Electric Company” to win an Oscar.
Awarding Oscars in the main aisle was a bold attempt to shave minutes off the TV broadcast. But the beer and peanut vendors had to be pissed.
Bringing all the nominees in some categories on stage was another smart time-saver. “Next year,” Rock said, “they’re going to hand out Oscars in the parking lot.”
Rock also said, “It’s a great night tonight. We have four black nominees tonight. It’s kinda like Def Oscar Jam tonight.”
The technical awards were pre-taped. Such sadness. But the winners got to meet Scarlett Johansson. Hello!
Pierce Brosnan and animated character Edna from “The Incredibles” presented best costume design. Are the two an item? These lips are sealed.
The Johnny Carson tribute illustrated his greatness. “For those of you just tuning in,” Carson once said, “this is Day 164 of the Academy Awards.”
I’d like to thank all the winners for their short speeches. Thank (cue the orchestra) you.
Nominee Morgan Spurlock gained 25 pounds for “Super Size Me.” Nominee Laura Linney gained 20 pounds for “Kinsey.” Neither won. The lesson: Hit the gym, people.
Do you think Jake Gyllenhaal likes to be introduced as the guy from “The Day After Tomorrow”?
At the show’s halfway point–and in a sharp break from Oscar tradition– “The Lord of the Rings” had yet to win a single award.
Oscar silliness: When presenter Adam Sandler and Catherine Zeta-Jones were announced, Rock filled in for Zeta-Jones.
Sandler: “Catherine, may I just say your dress looks incredibly sexy tonight.”
Rock: “Why thank you, Adam. It’s Versace.”
Sandler: “Well, with you in it, it should be Ver-sexy.”
Here’s a missed opportunity: Despite winning best visual effects, the crew from “Spider-Man 2” didn’t swing in on webs.
In eloquently asking how he could ever thank all the people he wanted to thank, honorary Oscar winner and class act Sidney Lumet actually … showed his thanks.
As the cameras showed the best short live-action film nominees, nominee Nacho Vigalondo got his 15 seconds of fame by pretending to be asleep. He didn’t win.
Risque business: Rock said, “You won’t be able to take your eyes off these next four presenters: Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek.”
“Hardwood” couldn’t cut it in the documentary short category. Better luck at next year’s adult entertainment awards.
Good news for Hilary Swank: She won. Bad news: She faces Marco Antonio Barrera next week for the WBC super featherweight title.
Even if Annette Bening wanted to take a swing at Swank, don’t. Trust me, Annette: Don’t.
Who knew? Best original screenplay winner Charlie Kaufman was once a contributor for the short-lived “The Dana Carvey Show.”
Jamie Foxx’s best actor Oscar more than makes up for not getting Cuba Gooding Jr.’s part in “Jerry Maguire.” His emotional speech was a touching display, and if you head west now, it’s a safe bet you can still make the tail end of his blowout post-Oscars party.
First Martin Scorsese lost best director to Robert Redford in 1980 and to Kevin Costner in 1990. Now he loses to Clint Eastwood. If only Scorsese was taller, more attractive and once a star in a western movie.
“Million Dollar Baby” wins best picture, and I haven’t seen that many tuxedos jump up and down since P. Diddy’s penguin party.
BACK STAGE PASS
RedEye was on the scene at the Oscars and caught up with the stars:
“After ‘Driving Miss Daisy,’ I became philosophical about the Oscar,” said Morgan Freeman after winning the best supporting actor award. “It occurred to me that winning the nomination is probably the height for me, and after that it’s pretty arbitrary. How can any of us be best? But when they call your name, all that goes out the window!”
“I’ve been looking forward to this all evening,” said Cate Blanchett as she entered the press room after winning the best supporting actress Oscar for her portrayal of Katharine Hepburn. “You can’t please everyone when playing everyone’s favorite actress, so it means a lot.” As she was leaving the press room, she asked, “Can I have my champagne now?”
“She’s only 11 and she said, ‘Dad, after this, can we go to the big awards–the Kids’ Choice Awards, Nickelodeon,” said best actor-winner Jamie Foxx about his daughter. “She doesn’t know the significance of it right now.”
Best actress Hilary Swank said she learned lessons from female boxers. “They’re diligent, disciplined and they’re just awe-inspiring. A lot of people criticize women boxers and it just blows my mind because that’s their dream and who are they to criticize someone’s dream?” Meanwhile, Swank is living her own dream. “I think that I’m living it,” she said. “You have these ideas and what you want to do, but I love my job. I love to act. I know a lot of other actors who feel the same way and can’t even get an agent. I love my humble background and where I come from. It’s given me an opportunity to meet a lot of different kinds of people. It’s amazing.”
“Yes, I would do it again,” said host Chris Rock. “Who knows if they would want me again. The rest of the night, I’ll be doing various drugs.” On why he didn’t curse: “I don’t curse in front of my mother, and she was front and center. I could never curse in front of Rose Rock.” So did he have a favorite line of the night? “I don’t know, my jokes are like my children. I liked the Sean Penn comeback.”
–MIKI TURNER, REDEYE SPECIAL CONTRIBUTOR
