You don’t have a lot of time and, frankly, neither do we. So let’s get right to our panel of RedEye sports experts and let them speak for themselves:
JIMMY GREENFIELD
TOPIC 1: HOW ARE YOU PREPARING FOR THE NFL DRAFT?
The same way I always do: Bourbon and hookers.
TOPIC 2: GIVE DERON WILLIAMS SOME PROFESSIONAL ADVICE.
Invest your money wisely and store it under a good mattress.
TOPIC 3: SHOULD COMCASTSPORTSNET HAVE SHOWN THE TAPE OF KERRY WOOD’S BAT-SWINGING RAMPAGE?
Absolutely. Kids need to see good form for when they freak out.
TOPIC 4: WHAT IS THE KEY TO THE BULLS BEATING THE WIZARDS?
Trust me, it all depends on if I’m wearing my lucky toupee.
TOPIC 5: WHAT WAS YOUR GREATEST SPORTING ACHIEVEMENT?
Never losing to my brother in Sockball.
PHIL THOMPSON
TOPIC 1: HOW ARE YOU PREPARING FOR THE NFL DRAFT?
For Jimmy’s party, I sent Carson Kressley with a bottle of Jim Beam, but I haven’t seen either one since.
TOPIC 2: GIVE DERON WILLIAMS SOME PROFESSIONAL ADVICE.
Make friends with Dave Leitao just in case he becomes your coach next season.
TOPIC 3: SHOULD COMCASTSPORTSNET HAVE SHOWN THE TAPE OF KERRY WOOD’S BAT-SWINGING RAMPAGE?
And even then he couldn’t find the strike zone.
TOPIC 4: WHAT IS THE KEY TO THE BULLS BEATING THE WIZARDS?
I sub in Hannibal Lecter in a move I like to call, “What’s Eating Gilbert Arenas?”
TOPIC 5: WHAT WAS YOUR GREATEST SPORTING ACHIEVEMENT?
I threw up a prayer to beat a better, taller friend at one-on-one, and I have yet to stop talking about it.
LEO EBERSOLE
TOPIC 1: HOW ARE YOU PREPARING FOR THE NFL DRAFT?
Padding the walls of Bag Boy’s apartment.
TOPIC 2: GIVE DERON WILLIAMS SOME PROFESSIONAL ADVICE.
Dude, you’re headed to Toronto. Nothing I can say will help you.
TOPIC 3: SHOULD COMCASTSPORTSNET HAVE SHOWN THE TAPE OF KERRY WOOD’S BAT-SWINGING RAMPAGE?
I wouldn’t want them to air footage of me scratching myself at my desk. Or would I?
TOPIC 4: WHAT IS THE KEY TO THE BULLS BEATING THE WIZARDS?
Score down low, defend out top.
TOPIC 5: WHAT WAS YOUR GREATEST SPORTING ACHIEVEMENT?
One time I beat Phil in a shoe-tying contest.
WHIZZER
TOPIC 1: HOW ARE YOU PREPARING FOR THE NFL DRAFT?
This year I’m taking Stanley Kaplan.
TOPIC 2: GIVE DERON WILLIAMS SOME PROFESSIONAL ADVICE.
If you use professionals, always ask first if she’s a cop.
TOPIC 3: SHOULD COMCASTSPORTSNET HAVE SHOWN THE TAPE OF KERRY WOOD’S BAT-SWINGING RAMPAGE?
Why wouldn’t they? It’s not like the Cubs own a piece of the network.
TOPIC 4: WHAT IS THE KEY TO THE BULLS BEATING THE WIZARDS?
Call Michael. Right. Now.
TOPIC 5: WHAT WAS YOUR GREATEST SPORTING ACHIEVEMENT?
Correctly predicting I’d never attend a NASCAR event.
BAG BOY
TOPIC 1: HOW ARE YOU PREPARING FOR THE NFL DRAFT?
Choosing the proper curse word. This year? “ANGELO!”
TOPIC 2: GIVE DERON WILLIAMS SOME PROFESSIONAL ADVICE.
When you play against Sean May next year, use a little elbow.
TOPIC 3: SHOULD COMCASTSPORTSNET HAVE SHOWN THE TAPE OF KERRY WOOD’S BAT-SWINGING RAMPAGE?
Only if he knocked some sense into himself.
TOPIC 4: WHAT IS THE KEY TO THE BULLS BEATING THE WIZARDS?
Showing up.
TOPIC 5: WHAT WAS YOUR GREATEST SPORTING ACHIEVEMENT?
Jumping over 20 cars WITHOUT a motorcycle.
