You’ve heard of cops and robbers.
Get ready for cops and monsters.
This year the fall TV schedule is littered with yet more law-enforcement and crime-scene shows, and a whole bunch of spooky monster/alien dramas. Though no monsters (aside from the human variety) have shown up on the crime procedurals yet, the only real surprise on the schedule is that there’s no outright attempt to strand a bunch of cops on an island with a killer creature. (Don’t bother pitching “Law & Order: Mysterious Island” to the networks; we’ve already copyrighted the idea.)
Still, despite the lack of shows as original and groundbreaking as “Desperate Housewives” or “Lost,” the schedule has several promising dramas on it (including one filmed in the Chicago area), and a few of the comedies even made us laugh. Out loud.
So there’s hope for the old TV beast yet.
Sunday
TIME: 6:00
FOX: NFL (CONTINUED FROM EARLIER IN THE DAY)
NBC: DATELINE NBC (SEPT. 25)
CBS: 60 MINUTES (SEPT. 25)
ABC: AMERICA’S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS (OCT. 2)
WB: REBA (REPEATS)
TIME: 6:30
FOX: KING OF THE HILL (SEPT. 18)
WB: REBA (REPEATS)
TIME: 7:00
WB: CHARMED (SEPT. 25)
ABC: EXTREME MAKEOVER: HOME EDITION (SEPT. 25)
CBS: COLD CASE (SEPT. 25)
NBC: THE WEST WING (SEPT. 25)
FOX: THE SIMPSONS (SEPT. 11)
TIME: 7:30
FOX: THE WAR AT HOME (SEPT. 11)
TIME: 8:00
NBC: LAW & ORDER: CRIMINAL INTENT (SEPT. 25)
CBS: CBS SUNDAY NIGHT MOVIE (SEPT. 25)
ABC: DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES (SEPT. 25)
WB: BLUE COLLAR TV (SEPT. 25)
FOX: FAMILY GUY (SEPT. 11)
TIME: 8:30
WB: BLUE COLLAR TV (SEPT. 25)
FOX: AMERICAN DAD (SEPT. 11)
TIME: 9:00
WB: LOCAL NEWS
FOX: LOCAL NEWS
ABC: GREY’S ANATOMY (SEPT. 25)
NBC: CROSSING JORDAN (SEPT. 25)
It’s election year on “The West Wing,” which is moving to a new night for what may well be its last hurrah. Even so, the night will no doubt still belong to those irrepressible “Desperate Housewives” and their irresistibly soapy medical cohorts on “Grey’s Anatomy.” On Fox, the rejuvenated “Family Guy” anchors a strong Sunday night comedy lineup.
NEW COMEDY
“THE WAR AT HOME” (Fox): Michael Rapaport plays a “Rodney”-like dad with a fractious wife, a (maybe) gay son and a household generally besieged by the confusion of modern life. At times giddy, at times cliched, this intriguing newcomer at least attempts to mix “All in the Family,” “Arrested Development” and “Everybody Loves Raymond.”
Monday
TIME: 7:00
CBS: THE KING OF QUEENS (SEPT. 19)
ABC: WIFE SWAP (SEPT. 12)
NBC: SURFACE (SEPT. 19)
WB: 7TH HEAVEN (SEPT. 19)
FOX: ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT (SEPT. 19)
UPN: ONE ON ONE (SEPT. 19)
TIME: 7:30
FOX: KITCHEN CONFIDENTIAL (SEPT. 19)
UPN: ALL OF US (SEPT. 19)
CBS: HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER (SEPT. 19)
TIME: 8:00
UPN: GIRLFRIENDS (SEPT. 19)
ABC: MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL (SEPT. 12)
FOX: PRISON BREAK (AUG. 29)
WB: JUST LEGAL (SEPT. 19)
CBS: TWO AND A HALF MEN (SEPT. 19)
NBC: LAS VEGAS (SEPT. 19)
TIME: 8:30
CBS: OUT OF PRACTICE (SEPT. 19)
UPN: HALF & HALF (SEPT. 19)
TIME: 9:00
WB: LOCAL NEWS
UPN: LOCAL PROGRAMS
CBS: CSI: MIAMI (SEPT. 19)
NBC: MEDIUM (SEPT. 19)
FOX: LOCAL NEWS
CBS’ plans for Monday are laughable. No, really. In the wake of “Everybody Loves Raymond’s” demise, the network has given the solid “Two and a Half Men” “Raymond’s” showcase slot and offers up two promising new comedies: “How I Met Your Mother” and “Out of Practice.” Fox is also shaking things up by pairing two comedies, “Kitchen Confidential” and the stellar “Arrested De-velopment,” with the adventure drama “Prison Break” — and the latter’s competing with ABC’s “Monday Night Football” — but the success of unconventional dramas last year has emboldened the networks to take a few risks, which can’t be a bad thing.
NEW COMEDY
“KITCHEN CONFIDENTIAL”: Bradley Cooper (“Alias,” “Jack & Bobby”) is an extremely likable actor, but that’s the whole problem with the competently executed “Confidential” — Cooper’s way too nice to be believable as a bad-boy chef (the show is based on the edgy cooking memoirs of celeb chef Anthony Bourdain).
“HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER”: Yes, there are some good new comedies this fall — believe it. This charming comedy, which features the most winning ensemble since “Friends” debuted, charts a young man’s wooing of his future wife, and, as you might well imagine, there are several amusing twists on the road to true love.
“OUT OF PRACTICE”: A family of squabbling doctors is a good idea for a show, and with one glaring exception (the miscasting of a shrill Stockard Channing as the mother), this show pulls off the concept nicely. Jake Gorham is a likable couples therapist in a family of high-powered surgeons and physicians, and Ty Burrell, Gorham’s TV brother, is the comedy find of the season as a casually arrogant, hilariously deadpan plastic surgeon.
NEW DRAMA
“SURFACE”: Not surprisingly, embattled NBC came up with the worst monster drama/”Lost” clone. For a show that’s supposed to create major sus-pense, this seaborne drama plods along painfully, and the fact that Lake Bell — the weakest link of last fall’s “Boston Legal” cast — is the lead actor does not exactly create excitement.
“PRISON BREAK”: This drama is surrounded by positive buzz, and it’s easy to see why: Chronicling a prison escape over a season of television is a cool idea, and the fact that “Prison Break” is shot at the atmospheric Joliet Correctional Center lends gravity and realism to this serialized action drama. Charismatic lead Wentworth Miller, whose character purposely gets convicted of bank robbery so he can spring his brother from Death Row, could follow in Kiefer Sutherland’s and Hugh Laurie’s footsteps as Fox’s next breakout star.
“JUST LEGAL”: Don Johnson is well cast in this legal drama as a washed-up attorney; Jay Baruchel is his idealistic young (very young) partner. There’s no new ground broken here, but the cast acquits itself well, and Johnson’s still got that rakish charisma.
Tuesday
TIME: 7:00
CBS: N.C.I.S. (SEPT. 20)
NBC: THE BIGGEST LOSER 2 (SEPT. 13)
FOX: BONES (SEPT. 13)
WB: GILMORE GIRLS (SEPT. 13)
ABC: ACCORDING TO JIM (SEPT. 20)
UPN: AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL 5 (ENCORES,SEPT. 27)
TIME: 7:30
ABC: RODNEY (OCT. 4)
TIME: 8:00
CBS: THE AMAZING RACE 8 (SEPT. 27)
ABC: COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF (SEPT. 27)
NBC: MY NAME IS EARL (SEPT. 20)
WB: SUPERNATURAL (SEPT. 13)
UPN: SEX, LOVE & SECRETS (SEPT. 27)
FOX: HOUSE (SEPT. 13)
TIME: 8:30
NBC: THE OFFICE (SEPT. 20)
TIME: 9:00
WB: LOCAL NEWS
NBC: LAW & ORDER: SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT (SEPT. 20)
UPN: LOCAL PROGRAMS
CBS: CLOSE TO HOME (OCT. 4)
ABC: BOSTON LEGAL (SEPT. 27)
FOX: LOCAL NEWS
The changes here are mostly tinkerings around the edges, with every network offering a lineup of old and new, and even here and there borrowed. On ABC, for instance, “According to Jim” and the somewhat surprisingly enduring “Rodney” join “Boston Legal,” which moves to a new night, and the first series ever to feature a woman U.S. president. The 8 p.m. slot is the real battleground, with that show, “Commander-in-Chief,” vying with the established “House” on Fox and “The Amazing Race 8” on CBS, not to mention the cheeky comic newcomer “My Name Is Earl,” on NBC.
NEW COMEDY
“MY NAME IS EARL”: Brittle, weirdly likable Jason Lee seems oddly cast as a small-town redneck who, after winning a lottery, each week finds a soul on whom to heap a good deed. The pilot is uneven, but the premise and personalities in this multicamera, non-laugh-track entry make it a promising new comedy.
NEW DRAMA
“COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF”: Pure and simple, a chick-lit “West Wing.” Geena Davis, in a very possibly successful move to rescue her career, plays a vice president with no party affiliation replacing a dead conservative president and battling sexism and cloak-room treachery. The knives and nail files are out.
“SEX, LOVE & SECRETS”: A flashy, kicky, even more shallow “Melrose Place” for our time. Among the pretty twentysomethings on the battlefield of love are onetime “Six Feet Under” teen Eric Balfour as a lady-killing, Mephistophelean hairdresser whose favorite movie, you guessed it, is “Shampoo.”
“CLOSE TO HOME”: Another try at stardom for Jennifer Finnigan of last season’s ill-fated “Committed.” This family drama set in Indianapolis, of all places, features Finnigan as a new mother and hotshot prosecutor working her way through the legal and moral morass of contemporary juris-prudence.
“BONES”: Another crime procedural, this one featuring a sexy paleontologist tracking down bad guys from clues gleaned from skeletal remains.
“SUPERNATURAL”: “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” meets “The Hardy Boys.” A pair of brothers (who just happen to be scrumptious hunks) team up to track down poltergeists in search of the one that killed their mother. Lots of smoky special effects in WB’s unmistakable antidote to last year’s more three-dimensional, low-rated “Jack and Bobby.”
Wednesday
TIME: 7:00
NBC: THE APPRENTICE: MARTHA STEWART (SEPT. 21)
UPN: AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL 5 (SEPT. 21)
WB: ONE TREE HILL (OCT. 5)
CBS: STILL STANDING (SEPT. 21)
ABC: GEORGE LOPEZ (SEPT. 28)
FOX: THAT ’70S SHOW TBA
TIME: 7:30
ABC: FREDDIE (OCT. 5)
FOX: STACKED TBA
CBS: YES, DEAR (SEPT. 21)
TIME: 8:00
NBC: E-RING (SEPT. 21)
CBS: CRIMINAL MINDS (PREVIEWS SEPT. 22)
ABC: LOST (SEPT. 21)
FOX: HEAD CASES (SEPT. 14)
WB: RELATED (OCT. 5)
UPN: VERONICA MARS (SEPT. 28)
TIME: 9:00
UPN: LOCAL PROGRAMS
FOX: LOCAL NEWS
NBC: LAW & ORDER (SEPT. 21)
CBS: CSI: NEW YORK (SEPT. 21)
WB: LOCAL NEWS
ABC: INVASION (SEPT. 21)
Look for the battle of the baddies (“Criminal Minds” followed by “CSI: New York” on CBS) and the beasties (“Lost” and “Invasion,” as in the alien variety, on ABC) as the big prime-time matchup. But don’t overlook the charming “Head Cases” on Fox, and NBC starts the evening with the first woman ex-con to head her own show (“The Apprentice: Martha Stewart”). Forgiving souls have a soft spot for that one. They don’t call it rehabilitation for nothing.
NEW COMEDY
“FREDDIE”: Freddie Prinze Jr. stars as a bachelor chef in Chicago who moves in with his sister, her teenage daughter and the widow of his recently deceased brother. The Puerto Rican ethnic setting comes off more generic than authentic, and while this is billed as Prinze’s first network starring role, chances are, it could be his last.
NEW DRAMA
“HEAD CASES”: An even odder odd couple. Slick, Midwestern clean-cut Chris O’Donnell, fresh from a nervous breakdown and marital split, teams up with snarly, hopelessly neurotic Adam Goldberg in a legal partnership sure to produce “Monk”-like quirks and chuckles.
“INVASION”: This one opens with a doozy of a hurricane, and then things really go downhill. Something is snatching bodies in the greater Miami area, a challenge for park ranger Eddie Cibrian (“Third Watch”), still one of us humans, and fun for somewhat handsome, somewhat creepy William Fichtner as a sheriff gone over to the alien side.
“E-RING”: Benjamin Bratt and Dennis Hopper are military officers engaged in top secret missions within the confines of the Pentagon in this humorless Jerry Bruckheimer entry, directed by moviedom’s Taylor Hackford.
“CRIMINAL MINDS”: Mandy Patinkin and Thomas Gibson are members of the FBI’s behavioral analysis group, with Patinkin, despite a post-traumatic stress hangover, something of a Sherlock Holmes when it comes to serial killer profiles. Call it “CSI” with a hint of a heart.
“RELATED”: A comedy-drama about four sisters who support each other, squabble and hide various secrets. Starring Kiele Sanchez (“Married to the Kellys”), Jennifer Esposito (“Spin City”), Lizzy Caplan (“Mean Girls”) and Laura Breckenridge (“Boston Public”).
NEW UNSCRIPTED
“THE APPRENTICE: MARTHA STEWART”: The big question for this reality spinoff will be the nature of the firing line. “Your bouillabaisse was too salty.” “Your souffle fell.” No matter: Even if you’re canned, and we mean dismissed, “it’s a good thing.”
Thursday
TIME: 7:00
WB: SMALLVILLE (SEPT. 29)
FOX: THE O.C. (SEPT. 8)
NBC: JOEY (SEPT. 22)
ABC: ALIAS (SEPT. 29)
UPN: EVERYBODY HATES CHRIS (SEPT. 22)
CBS: SURVIVOR 11: GUATEMALA (SEPT. 15)
TIME: 7:30
UPN: EVE (SEPT. 22)
NBC: WILL & GRACE (SEPT. 29)
TIME: 8:00
UPN: CUTS (SEPT. 22)
WB: EVERWOOD (SEPT. 29)
FOX: REUNION (SEPT. 8)
NBC: THE APPRENTICE 4 (SEPT. 22)
CBS: CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION (SEPT. 22)
ABC: NIGHT STALKER (SEPT. 29)
TIME: 8:30
UPN: LOVE, INC. (SEPT. 22)
TIME: 9:00
FOX: LOCAL NEWS
CBS: WITHOUT A TRACE (SEPT. 29)
ABC: PRIME TIME LIVE
UPN: LOCAL PROGRAMS
NBC: ER (SEPT. 22)
WB: LOCAL NEWS
On this strongly contested battleground night, viewers will have a lot — quite possibly too much — to choose from. Several old standbys — “Alias,” “Everwood” and “Smallville” — will have their fan bases tested this year as they go up against Thursday powerhouses such as “Survivor,” “The O.C.” and strong newcomers such as “Reunion” and the soon-to-be smash comedy “Everybody Hates Chris.” UPN has cheekily scheduled the latter to go head-to-head with “Joey,” the troubled center of NBC’s weakened Thursday lineup.
NEW COMEDY
“EVERYBODY HATES CHRIS”: This is by far the most buzzed-about comedy of the fall, with some TV insiders wondering if sister network CBS would poach the hot property from UPN (network execs say it won’t happen). Chris Rock narrates this funny, caustic, occasionally tender look at his wonder years as the only black kid in a white school and the linchpin of a working-class family with a cheapskate dad.
“LOVE, INC.”: So far, the most notable thing about this ho-hum comedy built around the employees at a dating service is that Shannen Doherty was fired from it. Holly Robinson Peete and Busy Philipps (“Freaks and Geeks”) are now the most well-known actors on the show, which is up against heavy hitters such as “The Apprentice” and “CSI.”
NEW DRAMA
“NIGHT STALKER”: The ’70s genre classic of the same name, starring the rumpled Darren McGavin as crusading reporter Carl Kolchak investigating spooky crimes, is tough to top, and in the original pilot that was sent to the media, this new version, helmed by “The X-Files’ ” Frank Spotnitz, doesn’t top it. Stuart Townsend (the new Kolchak) is a capable actor, but the show’s a bit plodding and missing the humor of the original. Maybe rumored re-shoots have improved this remake.
“REUNION”: The pairing of this guilty-pleasure soap with “The O.C.” is a stroke of programming genius. The gimmick of “Reunion” is that it’s told over the course of 20 years, from high school graduation to the aftermath of a mysterious death among a group of six pals. Thursday’s a tough night, but Fox has certainly played to its strengths with this addictively soapy lineup.
Friday
TIME: 7:00
CBS: THE GHOST WHISPERER (SEPT. 23)
NBC: DATELINE NBC (SEPT. 23)
WB: WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU (SEPT. 16)
FOX: THE BERNIE MAC SHOW (SEPT. 23)
UPN: FRIDAY NIGHT SMACK-DOWN (Sept. 9)
ABC: SUPER-NANNY (SEPT. 23)
TIME: 7:30
WB: TWINS (SEPT. 16)
FOX: MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE (SEPT. 23)
TIME: 8:00
ABC: HOPE & FAITH (SEPT. 23)
CBS: THRESHOLD (SEPT. 16)
NBC: THREE WISHES (SEPT. 23)
FOX: KILLER INSTINCT (SEPT. 23)
WB: REBA (SEPT. 16)
TIME: 8:30
WB: LIVING WITH FRAN (SEPT. 16)
ABC: HOT PROPERTIES (OCT. 7)
TIME: 9:00
FOX: LOCAL NEWS
WB: LOCAL NEWS
UPN: LOCAL PROGRAMS
NBC: INCONCEIVABLE (SEPT. 23)
CBS: NUMB3RS (SEPT. 23)
ABC: 20/20
Though it’s hard to create a Friday hit on the broadcast networks, there are a few attempts this season. CBS unceremoniously dumped the thoughtful “Joan of Arcadia” in favor of the lightweight (and theoretically younger-skewing) “Ghost Whisperer,” and NBC tries a reality clone (the feel-good “Three Wishes”) and the medical drama “Inconceivable.” Will any of them find the kind of loyal audience “Joan” had? Doubtful, but never mind.
NEW COMEDY
“HOT PROPERTIES”: This alleged “comedy” is set in a real estate office, but really what’s the point of even explaining the premise of this miserable collection of breast jokes, sex jokes and other incredibly lame sitcom “gags”?
“TWINS”: A sitcom featuring lots of dumb blond jokes? Oh, goody! The setup: Melanie Griffith and Mark Linn-Baker are the parents of twins in their 20s: One woman’s like her bookish, irony-loving dad, and the other’s a ditzy, blond underwear model. Despite the tired premise, Sara Gilbert (as the smart daughter) is always watchable, and this passable comedy should fit in just fine with the rest of the WB’s Friday lineup.
NEW DRAMA
“THE GHOST WHISPERER” : CBS killed the beloved “Joan of Arcadia” to make way for this wispy Jennifer Love Hewitt vehicle, a boring “Medium” knockoff in which the perky actress communicates with dead people and passes on their thoughts and wishes. Let’s just say Hewitt is no Patricia Arquette and leave it at that.
“THRESHOLD”: Another of the “Lost”/monster shows, this drama shows real smarts and serious promise (which is why it’s a shame CBS has stranded it on Fridays). A top-notch cast, led by Carla Gugino, Brent Spiner, Charles S. Dutton and Peter Dinklage, explores a mysterious alien phenomenon, and instead of ripping off “Lost” or “The X-Files” wholesale, “Threshold” creates its own very cool and creepy atmosphere.
“KILLER INSTINCT”: The only creative thing about this by-the-numbers, woodenly acted crime drama is the new and different ways in which it depicts the torture and murder of women. Ugh.
“INCONCEIVABLE” : The medical quest to have children is, forgive the phrase, a fertile subject for drama, and this hour-long show hits more than it misses. Jonathan Cake, recently seen in ABC’s “Empire,” does a terrific turn as a sexy, brash doctor who promises desperate couples the moon and clashes with his by-the-book partner (Ming-Na).
NEW UNSCRIPTED
“THREE WISHES”: Singer Amy Grant stars in this unscripted entry, yet another riff on the positive-reality “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” concept, in which she travels to small towns and grants wishes to deserving folks.
Saturday
TIME: 7:00
FOX: COPS (SEPT. 10)
CBS: CRIME TIME SATURDAY (VARIOUS DRAMA SERIES REPEATS)
TIME: 7:30
FOX: COPS (SEPT. 10)
ABC: ABC MOVIE OF THE WEEK
NBC: THE NBC SATURDAY NIGHT MOVIE
TIME: 8:00
FOX: AMERICA’S MOST WANTED (SEPT. 10)
CBS: CRIME TIME SATURDAY (VARIOUS DRAMA SERIES REPEATS)
TIME: 9:00
CBS: 48 HOURS MYSTERY (SEPT. 24)
FOX: LOCAL NEWS
This year, the networks are once again using their Saturday night slots for a revolving array of repeats and the occasional movie.
The only original programming of the night is the CBS newsmagazine “48 Hours Mystery,” and Fox is standing by its stalwart lineup of “Cops” and “America’s Most Wanted.”
ABC and NBC are content to give viewers a roster of movies, and CBS is continuing its “Crime Time Saturday”: If you didn’t catch up with the “CSI” shows, “Cold Case” or other CBS fare during the week, on Saturday night you have another chance to do so.
Or you could just fire up the DVD player, see a movie or use all of those Food Network recipes you’ve been compiling to throw a swanky dinner party.
