So “Everybody Loves Raymond” won a bunch of awards and yada, yada, yada.
If the above sentence describes your reaction to Sunday night’s Emmys, join the club.
Listen, we know awards shows are about honoring achievement and not pleasing the public. But now that you’re in the club, that’s not important. Instead, we can vent about more bizarre voting and another lackluster awards show.
How dare they …
… keep letting Star Jones do the red carpet show for the E! network. She has no humor, little personality, and her interviews are downright boring–unless, of course, you care about who designed Teri Hatcher’s dress.
How dare they …
… not write a decent opening monologue for Ellen DeGeneres. DeGeneres is funny, so why was her first joke something along the lines of: “That was Earth Wind and Fire performing with the Black Eyed Peas, or as I like to call them, Earth Wind and Fiber”? Good lord.
How dare they …
… give out so many boring awards so early. It has become awards show tradition to give out one, maybe two big awards right off the bat, then launch into a parade of “best supporting actor in a mini-series”-type categories until the last 30 minutes of the show. What’s the harm in sprinkling in some of the bigger awards earlier? For one thing, you get better speeches (like “Monk” star Tony Shalhoub’s) before you’re nodding off on the couch. For another, you don’t have to cut away from the night’s biggest speeches (like “Medium” star Patricia Arquette’s) the nanosecond they end because, as usual, the show is running too long.
How dare they …
… not introduce more gags like the one used to show the nominees for best writing for a variety, music or comedy program–easily the funniest bit of the night. But then, it was the writers for Letterman, Conan and “The Daily Show,” so what did you expect?
How dare they …
… snub “Deadwood’s” Ian McShane. There are two iconic male leads on TV right now: James Gandolfini as Tony Soprano and McShane as Al Swearengen. Since “The Sopranos” wasn’t eligible this year, McShane wins by default.
How dare they …
… not bring back Wanda Sykes for this year’s show. Just kidding, but it’d be nice to see more female talent on stage, and not just to look good in a dress. DeGeneres was a fine start. Next: Replace Black Eyed Peas with Norah Jones or Alicia Keys.
How dare they …
… not follow MTV’s lead and have a category for best animated character. Wouldn’t it be great to hear Peter Griffin give an acceptance speech? No? All right, that’s it. You’re out of the club.
